More Of A Woman

Time Flies...

2011-08-21T10:54:00.002-06:00

Hello, my friends! Or are you still my friends, seeing as how I haven't posted here in forever?

To say the last year has been crazy would be an incredible understatement. A brief synopsis of our time apart: Turning 40, quitting a job I've had for a decade, surviving sending the Second Child to kindergarten and the First Child to high school, driver's ed for First Child, First Child growing taller than me (shut up), starting a new job that hopefully will have some kind of future, and many economic and social changes in our little sphere. I've been a tad busy, y'all.

But one thing I find very sad is I have let myself go somewhere along the way. My love of writing (and need to write) have been shoved to the back burner while I try to manage all the other pots on the stove. I've let my health deteriorate and all the weight I tried and succeeded at losing come back on. I've been rushing my kids through their childhood and not stopping long enough to really enjoy these precious, irreplaceable years I have with them. I'm changing into a person I don't like very much and recognize even less.

But admitting you have a problem is the first step toward recovery, right? A new leaf has been turned, a new corner rounded in this journey of my life. I am resolving to be more DELIBERATE in my living. I will be present with my children and not just there. I will strive to make memories with them, and not just accomplish tasks. And to quote the great philospher, Tim McGraw, I will "be a friend a friend would like to have."

What changes have there been in your lives? Catch me up, give me deets! I've missed you all so much, my little Internet posse. Do you find yourselves going through the motions and not really living? Is the daily grind grinding you down? We can encourage each other to be what we are called to be....who will join me?

Long Time, No Hear...

2011-01-10T10:24:00.003-07:00

Wow.

It's been over a year since I've posted anything over here.

Huh.

I think we can all agree that I won't be making my living off selling ad space on my blog, can't we?

I promise that I never intended to be silent here for so long, but you know about the best laid plans and all that...

Quite a bit has changed in my life since the last time I posted here. I've had a huge job change brought about by unexpected circumstances...the economy hit us with a baseball bat...my children are growing older and bigger and more wonderful and more aggravating with each passing day...I've finally hit the big 40...

I will try this year to post regularly and not let my blog lay dormant. I feel rusty and weird and out of my element trying to put my thoughts on screen...I can tell that it's been way too long since I've been here...

Is anyone still out there? Are you interested in this here blog or not? How have you been the last year? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

So Thankful

2009-11-26T11:26:00.003-07:00

For a clean desk, a warm house, a mom who makes delicious pecan pies, a mother in law who helps me organize my messy pantry, two great kids who are my heart, a funny father in law, a handsome husband who still makes my heart flip over after 17 years, yummy candles, pretty china, a paid off car, a full pantry, two full freezers, butter, tasty coffee with peppermint mocha creamer, Black Friday sales, Christmas music, a toasty fireplace, an oven that works, a few days off, a friendly church family, a sweet New Yorker who's become a very important person in my life, an Okie whom I've never seen in person but whose heart knows mine well, and a gorgeous intelligent college friend who makes beautiful jewelry and sends me the prototype to wear proudly, and a wonderful blog family that makes me smile every time they drop by my little spot on the Internet. But most of all, to a God who loved me enough to give His Son so that I might know Him.

Have a happy blessed day, everyone.

If my blog were a plant, it would be dead by now...

2009-11-17T20:45:00.002-07:00

I am a bad blog-parent. Good real-life parent to the actual spawn, but baaaaaaad parent to my little corner of the Internets.

Is there a CSD to report me to? Would I get counseling or maybe a creative writing class?

This entry totally isn't making sense. Could be because this is my second trip to Orlando that I've made in two weeks for two different conferences. I am tired. I am bloated. I miss my family. I've spent too much time in airports and on planes. And I can't think of a thing to write that would remotely interest anyone, including my own self. Except for maybe about that time last week in the Minneapolis airport when a lady collapsed at my gate and the paramedics had to be called and she stopped breathing and many of us were scared and praying for her to be okay. And I how I almost punched a 70 some year old guy for laughing and making a lunch date on his cell phone while all this was going on not twenty feet from where he was sitting. Maybe I would write about that if I had more words..wait, guess I did just write about that. Okay, never mind.

Seriously, never mind. I'm going to bed now. And dream of my own bed, pillow, covers, and family. Carry on.

You Guys...

2009-10-24T14:49:00.004-06:00

...are so wonderful. Seriously. I cried reading your comments and knowing that there are so many out there who care about my goofy girl and our family. You are the best. Don't let anyone ever tell you different.

Alison is fine, for those of you wondering. She is great, sweet, wonderful, silly, energetic, and a handful. She is currently testing any and all limits of her parents' rules and patience. There have been no more scares or spasms, hallelujah.

Things are good here. Really really good. My husband is finally home from his successful TEN DAY elk hunting trip, and for that I am ever so thankful. For about five hours yesterday, my husband and his friend butchered the elk, and then Zach and I helped wrap it up. It is so nice to open up the freezer and see it chock full of meat.

My plan in the next two weeks is to write more about the new way of shopping that I have implemented in my life. It has saved us so much money and time. But of course, the best laid plans...I am absolutely slammed with work, which needs my full attention right now. In the meantime, why don't you guys go check out the links on my sidebar to Money Saving Mom, Together We Save, A Thrifty Mom, and Madame Deals? These are great places to start learning how to be a better steward of your resources.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, and a very productive week. Hugs from Idaho.

AliBug

2009-10-16T11:24:00.007-06:00

(This is going to be long. Like really long. Why don't you go potty and get yourself something to drink before continuing? I'll wait...)

I heard the happy call of "Mommy! I wake up this mornin'!" and smiled to myself. Alison makes this statement upon waking, no matter if from a nap or her Big Sleep at night. I got up from my computer where I had been working and met her at the foot of the stairs for the big hugs and snuggles. When she reached the second stair from me, I noticed it...the puffiness on the side of her face. She was having a bit of trouble moving one side of her mouth but that did not stop my girl from telling me what she would like for a drink and snack. I immediately checked her over for a possible spider bite, thinking this was an allergic reaction of some kind. After finding no evidence of that, I began thinking the worst. What just happened? How can her face be this puffy and have no discernable cause? I could tell her face was returning to normal but I was still scared. I called my husband who had just left he house a half hour before to run some errands. By the end of our call, she was perfectly fine, chattering away and playing happily. We chalked it up to "one of those weird things" that happens to kids occasionally. Maybe she slept on it wrong? Who knows? Let's just keep an eye on her.

Five days later, on a Monday morning, she was sitting on the floor in the living room watching Dora. I was laying on the couch behind her, trying to catch a few zzz's to make up for what I didn't get the night before. I felt her patting me on the chest, trying to get my attention. I tried to roll over, telling her, "Ali, just let Mommy sleep for a few minutes, okay?" She ignored my plea and kept up with the patting. Opening my eyes in annoyance, I noticed that her hand holding the side of her face was shaking. I figured it was yet another goofy face that she just made up and had to show me. I pulled her hand down from the side of her face and discovered that it wasn't her hand that had been shaking...it was her cheek from the eyelid down. It was spasming at a pretty good clip, and she was drooling out of the side of her mouth. Freaked out, I yelled for my husband to GET IN HERE QUICK! In the three seconds it took him to bound from his desk to my side, the spasming stopped. She still didn't have control of her mouth and the drool was pouring out. Her eyes were clear, big, and scared. She looked at us as if to say, "What's going on here, guys? You wanna take care of this?" We hugged her and asked her if she was okay and what her face felt like. She said that her face was "kinda blinking" and could she have some more juice? We called the pediatrician immediately and were told we could see him at 2:15pm. We watched her carefully for the rest of the day, biding our time until the appointment and knowing that somehow, this was going to a Big Deal.

The kids' pediatrician, Dr. Sam, is pretty awesome. He is a parent first, then a doctor, which gives me immense confidence in him. After examining Goofball (as he calls Alison) and having her do some neurological exercises such as standing on one foot, spinning and jumping, and touching her nose, he calmly told us that he wanted to order a CT scan right away. When we questioned him about his suspicions, he frankly said he didn't know what was going on. It could be this, or it could be that, or worst case scenario, "It could be a growth."

I've never been punched in the stomach in my life, but imagine that what I felt in that moment was very close to the sensation. It seemed as if all the air had been sucked from the room. My eyes welled with tears I fought back because I knew that if I let them fall, it was all over. My girl did not need my tears, she needed me to pay attention, stay clear-headed, and handle what was going on. Roger, my poor poor husband, appeared as if he'd been run over by a truck. His skin went pasty white and his eyes went from blue surrounded by white to blue surrounded by red. He tried several times to get out a complete question to the doc and finally gave up by saying, "I'm sorry, I'm not doing too well right now. I may pass out." He eventually had to lay down on the exam table to get his bearings and let the fainting sensation pass.

This was all so surreal, so freaky, had such a What The Heck?! quality to it, that it almost felt like it was happening to someone else. My daughter, who had been happily playing in the exam room and chattering away, picked the moment right after Sam uttered the word "Growth" to decide to jump from the exam table stool to the ground, falling forward and catching herself by using her scalp against the doctor's desk. Much blood, much tears, possiblity of stitches, and here we all sit. Dumbfounded, comforting a bleeding preschooler, and I start laughing. That's my defense mechanism, my release valve lest I explode. Alison started laughing with me while Roger sat still and quiet. We looked at each other and said, "what are the chances of one of our kids actually injuring themselves in the doctor's office?"

My husband did recover himself enough that while laying on the exam table, he told the doc, "Hey, you took care of Ali's head wound and made sure I didn't collapse. Maybe my wife can break her leg before we leave here so you can treat all three of us in one shot." Not bad for a guy close to losing it, huh?

Our doctor spoke with the pediatric neurologist that was on call that week and they decided to order an MRI/MRA scan for Alison. This would require her being sedated because, as a general rule, four year olds don't do so great in MRI chambers. It was scheduled for Thursday of that week, which left us three days to worry, pray, and wait...

The praying we did during that time... I cannot tell you. The crying out to God for our daughter's life, health, well-being, anything and everything. The trying not to fall apart for Zachary's sake. The trying to reconcile the idea there may be something seriously wrong with our girl who at the time was acting no different than she normally does, running, playing, bossing her brother and making plans for world domination. We prayed for her not to freak out when they gave her the IV for sedation, because as we had witnessed a year and a half ago, our Ali is not a fan of the IV. We prayed for wisdom for the medical personnel, that they would be able to tell us just what was going on and give us a plan.

The MRI/MRA went well, better than we expected. Alison wasn't all that thrilled to discover the reason we roused her out of her nice warm bed early that day was to go to the hospital, but she did amazingly well. Even when the IV was inserted, she cuddled close to me and only whimpered a little. Our brave, brave girl.

The only really bad part about the MRI (besides her having to have it at all!) was the after-effects. They told us that some kids can get a little difficult while the sedation is wearing off, and not to worry, they will be themselves again soon. Um. Not quite. If by "difficult", they meant "possessed," and by "soon", they meant SIX HOURS LATER, then yeah, I guess they were right on the money. Somewhere around Hour Two, I quit referring to her as Alison and started calling her "our nasty little drunk".

We were told at first that she had a "blood vessel anomaly" that could be causing her problems. It could be this, or it could be that. She might have this, or maybe this other thing over here. Having been in the medical field for over twenty years, you'd think I'd be more able to handle the medicalese they have to give you in order to cover their own butts. They have to tell you best and worst case scenarios and everything in between, in case it's something they're not 100% sure of. (In other words, you could have a hangnail, or maybe you need your arm amputated. It's a toss up.) Our doc recommended we contact the pediatric neurologist's office directly to make an appointment. The sooner, the better.

I called the neuro's office and spoke with his receptionist, who is so friendly and wonderful. They would be happy to get us in, bright and early on December 7. What? What? You have got to be kidding me. We have to wait until December? I was thinking all of this, but didn't say it. I have been in her shoes before, and let me tell you, it does not pay to be snotty to the receptionist. She is the gatekeeper to the doctor. Tick her off, and you will never get in. I politely told her that we would be happy to come in whenever they had an opening, and could she put us on a cancellation list? I then asked what I was supposed to do if Alison exhibited any of these symptoms between now and the appointment. Call us, we want to know, she told me. She also said that the neuro might want Alison to have an EEG before coming in so he could have the results read by her appointment.

The neurologist we had the appointment for is only one of two pediatric neuros in the Boise area, and has been for about twenty years. He serves all of Southern Idaho and Eastern Oregon, so to say that his schedule is always jam-packed is an understatement. I knew we were fortunate to get the appointment we did, so I tried to be thankful. This was on Friday morning.

Friday afternoon, I got a call from the neuro's receptionist. She said, "Hey, darlin, what are you doing on Monday morning?" I said, "I am doing whatever you tell me to do on Monday morning." She scheduled Alison for an EEG, with a followup appointment with Dr B on Tuesday! He had a cancellation, and wanted to get Alison in right away. Thank you, God. Thank you.

The EEG went well, although I about lost it seeing all the electrodes they had to hook to my baby's head. We sat in a big comfy chair in a darkened room and watched us some Dora while the machine beeped away. Completely painless, but yet a pain.

Tuesday arrived, and Roger and I were so completely nervous. Overwhelmed. Frightened. I wanted the time to pass quickly until our appointment. I wanted time to slow down completely so I wouldn't have to go hear what an expert was going to say about my baby. My husband kept commenting on how together I was, how strong I was, ever since the beginning of this saga. (which by this time, had been eight days). I didn't feel all that strong or together. I felt like an absolute mess. But I just knew that I couldn't let go and fall apart just yet. If this was going to turn out to be Something Major, I would have plenty of time to fall apart later. I had to get through this, get her to the doctor, find out what he had to say. I cope by having information, and just looking to the next step. Just gotta go to this next appointment, then find out the plan. Roger tends to look at the whole big picture all at once, past, present, future. He takes it all in at one time, and that can be a heavy burden. I try to shut off what I can't do anything about and concentrate on what I can. It's probably not the best way to deal with things, but it's what I know.

We met the doctor, who started off by showing our daughter a picture of a beautiful young lady. It was his daughter, Alison, spelled the same way as our girl. He chatted her up and Miss Social Butterfly basked in that. Then he got down to business.

He began telling us how he's a Yale graduate who's been practicing for over twenty years. He travels around the country lecturing to other ped/neuros at conferences and symposiums. He's personally treated x number of children. He trained here, and studied this, and does this other thing. Blahblahmedicalblahblah. For the life of me, I could not figure out where he was going with this, until he said, "Now, the reason I'm telling you my life story is to let you know that I know what I am talking about. I want you to trust me." Really, at this point? He could have said he just got back from a sabbatical where he acted as a rodeo clown and I wouldn't have cared. I just wanted answers.

He told us Alison had a childhood seizure disorder called Benign Rolandic Epilepsy. It usually manifests itself in children between the ages of 5-7, lasts about two years, then they outgrow it. No one knows why kids get it, or why they grow out of it. (Those facial spasms Ali had are actually seizures, even though she had no loss of consciousness or mental acuity. And here I thought seizures were the fall on the floor, thrash around things that we all associate the word with.) (A seizure is actually defined as any loss of muscle/body control not caused by an injury or pharmacological reason). Most kids never have another seizure ever after the first one that gets them diagnosed with BRE. Some kids have more seizures and have to go on medication. There are no indicators other than an EEG that can predict who MIGHT get it, although siblings can have the same EEG pattern, and one will get BRE, the other won't. There are no outlying causes of BRE, such as genetics or environment, computer usage, television viewing, or nutrition. Nothing. It comes or it doesn't. You got it or you don't.

He did say that he doesn't feel Alison needs any medicine at this time, and probably never will. The brain, that tricky tricky organ, is still a mystery to medical science. He of course cannot guarantee anything, but did tell us we should just treat her as normally as ever and let her do all the things she currently does. He said he's personally diagnosed over 500 kids in his career with BRE, and they all grow out of it and are fine. It's commonly called an Elementary Epilepsy, because it comes and goes while the child is grade school age. We are hoping since she was diagnosed with this when she was four, it will all be a memory by the time she goes into first grade.

He ended our appointment by saying, "If she has to have something, this is the thing to have. And if you have to see somebody, I'm the guy you wanna see. Alison will be able to fire me in two years because she won't need me anymore." That was comforting, let me tell you. It took a few days for us to wrap our heads around the possibility that Ali could have more seizures, even graduating into a grand mal one day, but in all? I have to say the overriding emotion I felt was gratitude. Thanksgiving. Joy.

Why, you ask? Because for the past eight days, I thought my girl could have a tumor. When the MRI came back negative for that, I thought it was possibly another type of cancer. Or a mental disorder. Something Big and Scary that would forever change Alison's life. Or end her life completely. Take her away from us permanently. And that, my friends, I just could not accept.

So BRE is not the best diagnosis in the world, but it's not a death sentence. It just means that we keep an eye on her, and anyone who babysits her has to also. But then again, have you met my daughter? You gotta keep a close eye on her anyway. Or she shows up in the bathroom while I'm getting out of the shower to show me she got her own snack all by herseff. Cool Whip and a great big spoon.

Yeah, she definitely needs an eye kept on her.

No Words...

2009-09-30T19:47:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow at 7:15am, we will be checking my baby girl into the hospital to undergo an MRI and MRA of her brain.

I just don't have it in me right now to go into the story of why. I am scared of what we will be told tomorrow. I am scared tonight may be the Last Night of Normal we have in awhile.

I would ask that you pray for my girl.

Thank you.

THREE FOLLOWERS, Y'ALL!

2009-08-16T21:46:00.001-06:00

That's right.

Count 'em.

Three, baby.

Three.

My Heart...

2009-07-23T18:50:00.009-06:00

The late afternoon sun had warmed her room. Tiptoeing quietly inside, I shut the door and curled up on the bed. The sound of her soft breathing was the only noise in the room, but to me, no symphony has sounded sweeter. I lay beside her, watching her dream her princess dreams, hesitant to wake her but knowing I must. One tiny perfect ringlet lay against her velvet cheek, and I thought, God did this. He gave me this girl. He saw the desires of my heart and entrusted this precious little person to me. He knew she was the piece that would make us complete. No other girl but her, no other family but us.

The leather of the couch was cool against our skin that evening. In his ever-deepening voice, he gave a play-by-play of the day spent at the water park with his friends. I so love this, this time with my boy, hearing about his friends and their antics. This tall, handsome young man is the same baby boy who once burrowed into the space between my neck and shoulder to take his rest. It's hard to reconcile this strong, bronzed, confident teenager with my toddler who thought Barney and his daddy were the greatest things ever. This person who will be a man in the eyes of the law in a few short years was, just a few short years ago, a sweet, cuddly little boy. He was my first, and for many moons, my only. He was the prototype, the one I got to practice mothering on, who helped me get my on-the-job training. As he pulls away from us in degrees, spreading his wings and gaining some independence, he will always be one of my greatest joys. No other boy but him, no other family but us.

That's Miss Blogger to You...

2009-07-20T18:20:00.003-06:00

It was a hot, humid July evening in Idaho. The sun was still beating down on those of us gathered in the park to celebrate our friend's birthday. There were hot dogs, tacos, chips, laughter, water balloon volleyball, and lots of little kids--all the ingredients for a great time.

My husband and I felt a bit out of place since the only people we knew out of the approximately 25 people there were the Birthday Girl, BG's husband, and their two kids. We had been sitting at the picnic table quietly talking to our host for about ten minutes when he decides that introductions are in order. A very pretty lady happened to be getting a drink right by us when our host, BG's husband, my former friend, loudly announces, "Hey, you should meet Missie! She's a blogger too!"

And in that moment, the Lord received a prayer in which I requested the Earth open up and swallow me whole.

For the lady he introduced me to? Has like a REAL BLOG. Where she writes beautiful, thought-provoking, profound posts about actual subjects. Oh, and accompanies them with professional pictures--that she takes. Of course this has to be the very first person that I am ever introduced to as a "blogger." Absolutely of course...

She very politely asked me, "What is your blog name? What do you write about?" or at least I think those were her questions. My brain was still short circuiting at that point, busy planning a very painful demise for BG's husband, who from now on forever shall be known as Mr. Big Mouthy McTraitorPants. (I am just kidding. I won't actually call him that EVERY time I see him.) I mumbled something like "You really don't want to come by my blog. Seriously. It's not very good and I do alot of talking about my kids."

(Can I just remark on my stupidity? Here I am, typing on my laptop, and I stopped to open up my cell phone to CHECK THE TIME. BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE MY LAPTOP HAS A LITTLE CLOCK IN THE CORNER OR ANYTHING. Some people!)

She was very nice and took my blog information, and has even stopped by. I had somewhat gotten over my embarrassment by the time we came home on Saturday night and then...I looked at her blog. Um, yeah. I kinda felt like one of those people on American Idol (patooie! hate that show!) who gets up to show off her singing ability only to find out one of the guest judges is the featured soprano at the Metropolitan Opera.

To all five of you who regularly stop by here, I would like to say thanks and that I am sorry. I will try to make the content better in the future. Or try to at least HAVE content. Or maybe just be content. I forget.

But for now, I will revel in my title of "Blogger." You don't have to bow when you see me. A simple nod will do.

p.s. Did y'all see I have two followers? TWO! And I am not related to either one of them! One is a friend from college, and one I had never heard of before until I saw she was a follower! I have people, people! Now I am off to work on our secret handshake.

How Much Do I Stink???

2009-07-13T07:51:00.004-06:00

Seriously. Who writes a post about why she likes to blog and then doesn't blog for about two months? Sheesh. If I were my own employee, I would totally fire me. Or put me on notice. Or write me up. Or at least look at me with very scrunchy eyebrows and huff about how lazy "some people" are.

Things are good here in my little corner of the world. We went on a great family vacation to Northern Idaho in early June. We stayed and played around Coeur d'Alene and Post Falls, traveled through some Indian reservations, ate at little out of the way places, splashed in rivers, fished, went to a small fair--just did things with no agenda, no timetable, as it occured to us so we did. Our last day, we went to Silverwood Amusement Park and had a blast. It was nice and relaxing and wonderful and when can I go again please thankyouverymuchokaybye.

The rest of June was taken up with planning Alison's fourth birthday party (which was so fun), Roger's birthday, and Father's Day. Squeezed in there somewhere was a thirty six hour trip to San Diego for a one day conference. That was fun, but hectic, and always leaves me so tired afterwards.

July has been hot here in Idaho. As in bake a potato on the sidewalk hot. This should not be so, my friends! July is supposed to be pleasant, August is supposed to mirror the surface of the sun. We spent the Fourth at my inlaws' house in the mountains about two hours north of here. It is always so nice to go up there and just hang out. They have a wonderful huge porch that is just perfect for sitting in the shade with a cold drink and watching the birds, deer, or ATVers go by. Also in attendance were the Super Grandparents (my fatherinlaw's folks) and my mom, so it was a mini-family reunion in addition to Festival of Constant Eating.

This week, we are headed to a different mountain range for a few days. Some friends of ours rented a house and invited us to come join them. We are so looking forward to it. We haven't been to this little mountain town for about five years. It is quaint and peaceful and such a beautiful drive getting there. We leave Wednesday morning and will return Friday.

For a week in August, I will be heading to California for work. While I am looking forward to getting in a little shopping while there (Crate and Barrel, I love you! Call me!), I am dreading the long hours and the time away from the family. My husband is so good, can I tell you? To handle the kids for a week at a time while I rush off to work is the mark of a good man. And usually, the house is only a tad messy when I come home. (no, you can't have him, he's mine. Go get your own.)

I usually enjoy about a day or two away from the fam, but at about Day Three, the loneliness and longing sets it...and that's about the time I start eating for comfort. This time, I am determined to not be carrying some extra California weight on me when I come home.

I miss those of you who are my blog-only friends...so check me out on Facebook. I update there very regularly, but seem to forget about here. Why? Because I stink. Sorry. :) Check in here and let me know how you are!

And now, lest you forget whose blog you stumbled on to, let me post some obligatory pictures of my kid...wait. Never mind. All the pics are on Roger's computer. Huh. Well, you are spared for now.

Takin One for the Team

2009-05-06T08:49:00.002-06:00

Current location: A lovely dining room, overlooking a pool, golf course, and beautiful changing trees in the lake country of Wisconsin.

Current mood: Happy and caffeinated.

Current reason for being in current location and current mood: Attending a conference for work and lots of coffee.

Current surprising facts: Managed to get myself from Chicago O'Hare Airport up to said lake country without getting lost. In fact, stopped along the way for lunch, shopping, and wonderful conversation with some of the nicest people ever.

Current plan: Getting ready to go set up our exhibit booth for the conference. Will then probably drive down to quaint little lake town for some shopping for Mother's Day presents and other goodies. Possibly lunch at another lovely dining room overlooking another lake. And maybe to blog more later. Who knows? The possibilities are endless.

Current thing I need to do but maybe won't and certainly don't want to: Go work out in the resort's state of the art health facility.

Life is hard, my friends. Life is hard...

Because You Care...

2009-04-03T16:46:00.002-06:00

Sometimes, I wonder why I blog.

I don't consider my life particularly blog-worthy, as nothing much out of the ordinary seems to happen. If my blog were a food, it would be Wonder Bread. If my blog were a beverage, it would be a two-liter Diet Coke that gets put back into the fridge after SOMEONE else in the house opens it, drinks half, then doesn't screw the lid on tight. If my blog were a movie, it would be a Lifetime Original...only without a plot, good acting, or costume changes. If my blog were a medicine, it would be Tylenol PM. If my blog were an article of clothing, it would be the the ratty flip-flops in the back of the closet. Not quite horrible enough to throw away, but definitely not cute enough to continue wearing.

And yet still, I blog.

Maybe because it's cheaper than therapy. Maybe because I don't want to have yet another item on my list of Things I Have Started With Great Intentions but in Reality, I Suck At. (see Body Jam Class, Dieting, Keeping Mouth Shut, et all). Maybe because blogging keeps me in the game of writing, and giving up on it would mean the last nail in the coffin of my dream to write my own book. Maybe I just want to guilt all of you whose blogs I read and comment on to keep coming back here, even though you are thinking, "If she posts one more stupid rambling story, then gives us a picture of her kid, like that's supposed to make it all better, I am going to scream!"

Whatever the reason, I will continue to blog. Because I do like it. When I remember. (darn you, Facebook!)

In other news: I am currently waiting in the only sit-down restaurant in the Orange County airport for my flight, which was supposed to leave twenty minutes ago, but is instead leaving in about two hours. I really don't care when it leaves, as long as I get to see my familia tonight. I have been in California working since Sunday afternoon, and am more than ready to be home. The weather here has been pretty cold. I think that is a total rip, because I LEFT COLD in Idaho. Here it is supposed to be sunny and allow me to work on my tan at the hotel pool when I am done with my job for the day. It's the law!

My next business trip is in four weeks to Chicago. I am really looking forward to that one, as it will be my first solo business trip and conference. Now if I can only lose about 75 lbs before then....

Actually, on the weight loss front, things are going well. I am into week three of The Belly Fat Cure by Jorge Cruise, and am loving it. At last, I have found something that I can do, not feel deprived, eat normal food, and still lose weight. At last measurement, I have lost about three inches off my waist in three weeks. I was down almost five pounds before my trip, but we will see what the scale has to say when I get home. I usually always gain at least 2 lbs on a business trip, even when I eat right and work out every day. Something to do with the space/time continuum and a train leaving Boston at the same time a car leaves Jersey and the fact that some of my favorite restaurants in the world are right by my hotel. Or something. I forget.

I hope that you all are enjoying Spring and have a great Easter if I don't blog before then--which I may not, seeing as how much of my time this next week will be spent peeling an almost four year old gremlin off me (where she attaches herself as soon as I get home) and celebrating our 17th wedding anniversary on Friday. Go, Us! And they said it wouldn't last....

'Member me?

2009-03-16T09:33:00.002-06:00

Hey, gang. How all y'all been? Sorry for being MIA for so long. Does it seem to anyone besides me that Facebook is like blogging for lazy people? It is so much easier to update my status with a quick one-liner than actually take the time to type sentences with subjects and verbs and stuff.

As you probably could tell by my previous post, I spent some time in the Big Apple recently for a business trip. I did get to take in some sights while there, and unfortunately, spend way too much money on souvenirs for the family. After spending a few days in NYC, my company sent me to Philadelphia for some more client meetings. Philly is so rich in history and really stirred this American's heart. However, some parts of Philly are just downright scary. And that is all I have to say about that.

One great side benny of my trip to New York was meeting my friend Geanne in person for the first time. We met on a WW chatroom site about a year and a half ago, and she has turned into one of the best friends I've ever had. I was a little worried about how we would get along in person...would she like me as much? Would she think I was stupid or too goofy or just plain weird? Well, I shouldn't have worried at all. We had such a fun time! We ate at a wonderful little restaurant in Little Italy, then shopped for goodies in Times Square. The next day, we went to the WTC site, which for me was just as moving the second time I'd seen it as it was the first. We then walked down to Wall Street, then onto the 17th Street Seaport. From there, we took a cab back to Madison Avenue for still more shopping. We finished off our day with lunch in Chinatown--can I tell you Chinatown was not what I expected? I guess I was thinking it would be more, oh I don't know, CHINESE in nature...I was hoping for a bit more culture and all I got was very short Asian ladies chasing me down the sidewalk yelling, "You want puhse? (purse) I got Looeeey (Louis Vuitton), I got Dooney! How 'bout moobies? You lika watch moobies? (movies, not something else, you freak.) I got DeeBeeDees!"

I was sad to see her leave..my friend Geanne, not the Asian lady. I was glad to see her leave...the Asian lady, not my friend. Anyway, seeing my friend really made my trip, and we are planning to have another girl's weekend the next time I get to NYC.

Okay, here's a question for all of you...have you ever been told you look like a celebrity? I will do you one better..have you ever been told you look like a celebrity's neighbor? Yeah, I didn't think so. Anyway, I am on the flight to NYC in first class (which the airline did on their own, I normally don't get to fly first class anywhere) and the steward in the cabin told me that the way I was dressed, he assumed I was a native New Yorker and could be "Kelly Ripa's neighbor!" Um. Okay. How does one respond to that? "Oh, is Kelly Ripa's neighbor an overweight middle aged mother of two? Great!" And y'all? I was not dressed up. I had on embellished jeans and a plain sweater from Coldwater Creek, and shoes and jewelry courtesy of a very exclusive shop I like to call Kohl's (perhaps you've heard of it?) It was not my finest hour. But maybe first class attendants are told to compliment the passengers? Not sure, but I really did enjoy my time as one of the chosen few. On the return flights, I was forced to sit behind the veil with the unwashed masses, lamenting my loss of an actual person-sized seat and a nice warm meal.

The trip was about six days total, and believe you me, by the end of that time I was so missing my family. My husband and son missed me too, but my daughter? She was just mainly concerned that I bring her a present. Every phone call began with, "hey, Mommy, you got me dat gerrprize (surprise) yet?" We are not going to discuss all Mommy had to go through to get that certain gerrprize, because Mommy hasn't quite recovered from that yet.

On another completely unrelated note (because really? All my posts are completely unrelated notes), we have to move AGAIN at the end of this month. The house we are currently leasing has went into foreclosure and we have to be out by April 1st. We had placed an offer on the house, the bank in their wisdom decided that no, in this bad economy we want more! and if we can't have more, we will let the house go vacant instead of getting this bad debt off our books! We found another house within walking distance of my son's school in a very nice neighborhood, so that is a blessing. It's just the moving. The moooovvvvving! I hate the moving! Another nice note is that the house is not even a half mile from here, so we can just move carloads of stuff over very easily, then worry about the big stuff...and there is plenty of big stuff... The house we are going to has the exact same floor plan as this one, so I will be able to empty one cabinet and immediately unpack it to the corresponding cabinet in the new house. That is a biggie for an organizational freak like me.

Now it is time for me to head to the gym...a place I haven't been to nigh onto three weeks. My energy level and waistline confirm my long absence.

If you are on Facebook and would like to friend me, look me up. I am obviously not listing my info here, but if you know me enough to know my info, then you know me enough to be my fb friend. Have a good one, y'all!

p.s. what celebrities do you resemble? People have told me I remind them of the following: Marie Osmond, Rachael Ray, Valerie Bertinelli, Pam Tillis (that one I don't get), and Natalie Wood. Oh, yeah, and Kelly Ripa's neighbor.

I shall call this one Ode to Robyn

2009-03-02T09:25:00.008-07:00

Since she can't be here with me enjoying the "Storm of the Season," I am presenting her with the next best thing...

and finally....

Why Mothers Have Gray Hair...

2009-02-12T10:19:00.010-07:00

A Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillowthat was addressed to Mom. With the worst premonition she opened theenvelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Mom,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...... Mom, she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading itwith the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son John

P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

Thanks, Betty, for the laugh! Y'all have a great weekend. The fam and I are off on a road trip to visit my mom for the long holiday weekend...Six hours in a car with kids who like to fight--y'all pray!

And then my brain exploded...

2009-01-30T21:11:00.008-07:00

...so I can only write in half thoughts and incomplete sentences with no clear point. (I heard you thinking "What else is new?" I do not appreciate that.)

My drama, in number-ic form, for your laughing/crying/cringing pleasure:

1. Received Barnes and Noble e-gift certificate for my birthday. (thanks, Geanne!)
2. Ordered "Robin to the Rescue" by Robin Miller on December 13. (Robin, call me! I want to be your new BFF!)
3. Assumed order would arrive within 5-7 days due to Christmas mail overload.
4. Enjoyed Christmas, ate lots of food, forgot about book...
5. Came down off sugar high day after Christmas, wanted to know what interesting thing to do with leftovers, remembered book.
6. Looked up tracking information on package through B&N, who linked me through to UPS.com.
7. Brain still intact.
8. Website indicates UPS delivered book to my address on 12/17. Asked Husband and Son if they saw said book and put it aside during Christmas influx of family. Received negative responses.
9. Emailed UPS, stating package not received, please check into this for me thankyouverymuch.
10. UPS emails me back, stating package was delivered, did I think to look all around my porch and ask other family members?
11. UPS thinks I am a moron, apparently. I email back stating that yeah, did that, and still no book, could you please check into this for me?
12. UPS emails back, we delivered package, see it says so right there on the screen and computer screens don't lie, are you sure that an elephant didn't eat it and it's all your fault and not ours?
13. I call UPS and speak to a real live person. Give her the gist of the problem, can she please check this out for me?
14. Real Live Person asks me did I look all over my porch and ask all my family members?
15. I think UPS staffers are morons.
16. I reply that yep, covered that, still no book.
17. RLP replies that the computer indicates the package was delivered. See it says so right there. Package was delivered.
18. The bleeding from my eye sockets begin.
19. I calmly state that no matter what her computer says, I still do not have my book. I again state that there is alot of new construction on my street and in the surrounding area, is it possible it got left at another house?
20. Long pause from RLP. Then well the computer says it was delivered...more long pause.
21. I am starting to get a wee bit testy at this point. I ask RLP what she thinks should be done at this point, seeing as how I don't have the book, never had the book, and it has not magically appeared at any time during this phone call.
22. More long pauses from RLP. Put on hold for long time while RLP talks to Real Live Supervisor. RLP comes back to tell me that there is not much they can do about it seeing as how their driver indicated it was delivered.
23. RLP then suggests maybe I could initiate a disputed package report? I thought that's what I was doing. Apparently I did not speak the correct magic phrase to get that ball rolling. RLP then suggest that I contact the Sender, which is B&N. Maybe they know where the package is.
24. Yes, I was thinking exactly what you are right now.
25. I asked RLP how B&N would know where the package was since they are merely the merchant, and they contract with UPS to do the ACTUAL SHIPPING.
26. Ended call before threats were issued and police was called.
27. Initiated Code Red Alpha Bravo Foxtrot Dog in the Manger Report through UPS.com in hopes they can investigate where my package might be.
28. Call B&N and relate my story and my problem to a very sympathetic Velma who promises me it will be looked into from their end.

Ten days later.....
29. Get call from pre-pubescent employee at UPS to inform me that they will be contacting me within the next ten days to let me know the results of their investigation.

Two days after that...
30. UPS driver appears at my door with official computerized clipboard thingie. Asks me what the problem is. I inform him the problem is that I never received my book. Informs me that the computer states it was delivered. See right here. I inform him that I really don't care what the computer says, I still don't have my book. He says how that is just so strange because the computer says it was delivered.
31. UPS driver lucky I didn't have any weapons handy.
32. UPS driver says UPS still doing an investigation and will let me know when they hear something.

Two weeks after that....
33. Still no call or email from UPS, who has now failed to act on their own deadline that they promised me for resolution of this matter.
34. Contemplate sending stink bomb to UPS headquarters to show my displeasure. Realize I will have to ship it FedEx to be sure they get it. Decide jail time not worth making this point.

Last week...
35. Call B&N myself. Explain problem. Ask what they intend to do about situation. Speak with very nice man named Michael who takes down my number and promises to call me back.
36. Michael calls me back WITHIN FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FIRST CALL and asks me do I still want my book? (No, Michael. I just have no life. There is no point to my empty days, so I fill them by calling online merchants and complaining. I really don't want the book, all this is just a cry for attention. Hold me!) Says that they are oh so sorry that this happened to me and that UPS is not meeting my needs. Because Michael realizes I have needs! I need to get my book! They are sending me the exact same book again right away, and aren't I lucky it's in stock right now? I should have it within five days.

This week...
37. UPS tries to deliver my book on Wednesday. No one home, leaves note on the door that they will try again Thursday sometime between 10-2. Michael must have told them I have no life and would be happy to sit around during my busiest part of the day to wait for their delivery.
38. They arrive during the 1.5 hour time period no one was home on Thursday, leave another note. They will try again between 10-2 on Friday, but that is their third and Final Attempt.
39. I call UPS and ask if they can please leave the package at my local UPS store, and I will be happy to pick it up there.
40. Am informed by Real Live Snotty Stupid Girl that all UPS stores are franchises and packages CANNOT be left there!!! Of course they can't be left there. What was I thinking?
41. RLSSG says package can be left at the local UPS hub for me. Great, where is the hub? Only 20 miles from where I live.
42. Have.Had.It.
43. I calmly inform her that I realize she has had absolutely nothing to do with the current drama I find myself in, but does she honestly think that I should have to drive 20 miles in order to get a package that UPS should have left on the correct doorstep over a month and a half ago?
44. RLSSG hangs up on me. I kid you not.
45. UPS happens to deliver package at 1:30 today. Good thing, because in another half hour, they would have been late and I would be forced to leave a snotty note on their door. UPS driver is same one who came to interview the suspect, I mean ask me questions, last month. Gives me loads of attitude while handing me the package. Because he found me out. I am so running a scam. I actually have the first book in my house, but I just went through all that time and effort to get a new one because I am all Bernie Madoff like that. Do you know the street value of this cookbook, Mr UPS Man? I bet you do. And now I can keep a copy and sell a copy, all because I am pulling a big hairy scam on UPS and B&N and the taxpayers of America, all over A FREAKING COOKBOOK!! Good thing you are on the case! We need more drivers like you!
46. Brain hurts. But cookbook is soooo pretty.

47. Writes long rambling post with way too much detail and way too many numbers and really I cannot make myself care that your eyes are bleeding now too. I just want you to share my pain. And frustration. Hold Me?

Things I Learned in 2008...

2009-01-19T14:15:00.003-07:00

1. Missouri Sucks.

2. Things are never as bad as you think they will be...they are either better or much, much worse.

3. Chicago is still my favorite city to visit.

4. My son has incredible insight for someone so young.

5. There is a direct link between hearing a tornado siren and needing to pee.

6. Some people are truly called to be doctors and nurses.

7. It is possible to fall in love with your husband all over again with just one look.

8. The roster of my true friends has dropped a few and gained a few, and that's okay.

9. What's gone on before is not nearly as important as what's going on now.

10. It is possible to actually feel your heart growing larger when your baby girl says, "Mommy, I yuv you so much!"

Thirteen, the Prequel...

2009-01-12T14:41:00.003-07:00

Today, my baby boy turns thirteen.

I would write a post about that, but I am having a hard time seeing due to the tears, er I mean, allergens currently making my eyes water.

He is wonderful and great and smart and handsome and goofy and annoying and brilliant and smart-alecky and sweet and caring and obtuse and suffers from selective hearing. But enough about him for now.

I need some more Kleenex.

Just a post to say...

2009-01-07T20:20:00.004-07:00

that I don't have time to post. Well, I actually have TIME, I just don't feel like it. Haven't felt like it all week. I hope you all are doing well and having a nice 2009 so far. I have been busy working, and working out, and trying to not only lose the holiday weight but all the weight that came well before the holidays. I will post more in a few days...if I recover from my baby boy's Thirteenth Birthday Party Palooza that is happening on Friday night. Help me?

Holiday Snark Trifecta- Part Dork...

2008-12-16T16:07:00.014-07:00

Beth over at StarvingWriteNow and Robyn from Picnic at Stonehenge were kind enough to include me in their snarkapalooza to bring about holiday cheer...but due to severe dorkage and not paying attentionitis, my part of this is late. So extremely sorry, but please to be enjoying the following horrible covers....

The Boss's Christmas Proposal:

Robyn: Uh, hi there…this is the Throckmorton and Sons Christmas party, right? Look, lady, I’m just here for the free buffet

Beth: "I propose... we boom-boom looonng time."

Missie: I propose HQ find a new cover.

Christmas Wishes, Mistletoe Kisses...

Robyn: He wants a kiss because his Christmas sweater didn’t fit.

Beth: How many hickeys is he hiding under that turtleneck?

Missie: You are super studly and all, but I really wish Santa would bring you a neck for Christmas.

Rescued by the Magic of Christmas:

Robyn: The magic of Christmas gave them gloves and hats but not coats?

Beth: She: Too fast! You're going too fast! I'm gonna puke! He: Who the **** decided I should drive this stupid thing?

Missie: Thomas Kincade thinks this cover is too cutting edge.

Her Best Christmas Ever!

Robyn: It will be her last Christmas ever if he doesn’t realize babies CAN’T EAT COOKIES YET.

Beth: Obviously New Dad doesn't know that Traction Baby is too young for cookies...

Missie: See, I told you Junior looks like a gingerbread man! Do you believe me now?

Head on over to Beth's and Robyn's blogs for more holiday snarktime fun!

Santa Baby

2008-12-13T09:29:00.003-07:00

Me: Alison, you better straighten up!

Alison: NO!

Me: Okay, I will just tell Santa when he calls that you are being a very bad girl. He won't like that.

Ali: (short pause, thoughtful look) Can we call Santa, Mommy? I wanna talkta Santa! I call him on yer phone! Santa, wheh ahh you?

Me: (slapping self upside the head for thinking this would work)

The next day.....

Ali: Mom, when Santa gonna call? I talk to him? I tell him bring me some pwessent! For Chwissmas! I yike Santa! I call him now, okay?

Me: (again with the slapping)

The next day....

Ali: I doen yike Santa.

Me: You don't like Santa?!

Ali: No. I doen yike him. He mean.

Me: Oooooh, you better not say that! He won't bring you any presents!

Ali: I juss kidden! I yike him yots, Mommy! He nice. I just kidden.

I asso yike yong walks on da beach, Dora, and canny. You habb some canny? I can habb it?

More Real Life Conversations

2008-11-30T18:09:00.002-07:00

Me: Alison, what do you think of the Big 3 Auto Bailout?

Alison: (shakes head back and forth)

Me: You don't like it?

Ali: NO!

Me: If we don't bail them out, what should we do about it then?

Ali: A bertday house! (giggles)

Me: Should the taxpayers have to pay for the mistakes of the Big 3?

Ali: Let's have a bertday with ten candles, okay? Woo-hooo!

Me: How is a birthday going to solve the current economic crisis?

Ali: Yeah, it's my bess bertday I ever seen!

Me: What advice would you give the President and Congress?

Ali: (long pause) Whatchu say-nen?

Me: Do you think the lawmakers on Capitol Hill should be giving away all that money?

Ali: Nuh-huh. No.

Me: Are you a smart girl?

Ali: Uh-huh. Good sunny day!

And somehow, what my three year old said makes just as much sense as Bernanke and Paulson.

Like Totally OMG!

2008-11-21T16:37:00.005-07:00

In case some of you have been living under a rock and not realize what today is, let me inform you...it's the release of the movie Twilight. To say that I don't give a flying rat's keister about it would be an understatement. I may be the only thirtysomething female reader in the US who hasn't read all fortysevenfrillion pages of the Twilight saga, nor do I ever plan to. I don't like vampires. I don't like to read about vampires. I especially don't like to read about teenaged angst related love stories between humans and vampires.

I am sure the stories are probably riveting and well-written. The author is no doubt talented, and kudos to her for picking a genre that has not been oversaturated and adding her own creative twist. But still...vampires do nothing for me. (If you really want to get me to read your books, create a hero who does dishes, not sucks blood.)

And yet, even though I care not about this movie and never plan to read the books or rent the DVDs, I know all about it. Why, you ask? Because the print, web, and television media has TwilightOverloadSyndrome and cannot seem to report on anything else for several weeks running. I cannot escape this thing. There is nowhere for me to hide, nowhere for me to get my news, nowhere for me to watch some mindnumbing television for a few hours where I am not exposed to commercials for this movie. And it's getting old...

One of my friends is a complete Twilight freak. I love her, but she has gone completely overboard on this thing. She started reading the first book, and by the end of five days, had read all of them...staying awake into the wee hours of the morning, and rising early just to get through the books as fast as she could, then going into withdrawals when she couldn't find the next book in the series for a day or two. I have been subjected to hours long discussions of what happened in this book, and then this is how this one ended, and then Edward did this but he doesn't like being a vampire and then Bella told her dad this, and then the other vampire relatives did this and blahbittyblahblahblah someone kill me now. (wait, I added that last bit myself.) When she found out the release date of the movie, the first thing she did was confirm with her inlaws that they would be able to take the kids that night so she and her husband could attend the premier. Again, I love her, but she's a freak.

So being the complete smartkeister that I am, I left the following message on her voicemail just a bit ago:

(highpitched teen fangirl voice screaming hysterically voice) "OHMYGOSH THE TWILIGHT PREMIER IS TONIGHT AND I TOTALLY CANT WAIT BECAUSE EDWARD! WE GET TO SEE EDWARD AND HE'S SO COOL AND HOT AT THE SAME TIME AND ALL KINDSA VAMPIREY EVEN THOUGH HE LOOKS LIKE HE COMBED HIS HAIR WITH A PORKCHOP AND HE LOVES BELLA AND SHE'S SO CONFUSED AND IT'S ALL SO COOL AND AWEWSOME AND EDDDDDWAAAAAAAAARDDDDDDD!!!!!...actually, it's just me calling to wish you a happy movie night. And try to remember that Edward is a character and not a real live person and that it would be very unseemly for you as a thirty seven year old mother of two to rush the big screen and attempt to kiss him, mkay?"

Just doing my little part to make the world a happier place, people.

Again with the packing...

2008-11-14T17:59:00.002-07:00

Tomorrow I leave on a business trip to San Antonio. While I am looking forward to the nice weather, shopping on the Riverwalk, and hanging out with my mom, I am not looking forward to the TEN HOURS it will take me to get there.

Ten.Hours.

Normally, I love the travel part of traveling. I like planes, like airports (except LAX), like catching up on my reading and having some alone time. What I don't like is having to take a flight from Boise to LA, wait two hours, take a flight from LA to Dallas, wait two hours, then arrive in San Antonio. No. I do not like that at all.

But I can't really complain (well, yes I can, but I shouldn't). I have a job where I get to work from home and raise my babies, travel occasionally, and get paid really well. That really wins over a ten hour travel day.

At least when I come back home, I only have to travel eight.

Mr. Wrong

2008-11-01T20:26:00.005-06:00

You know what the problem with a blog is? People get all involved up in your business, because, you know, you put your business up on your blog, and then some people (initials TB and BK come to mind) are all, "What's up with your blog? When are you going to update your blog? It's been two weeks since you've written anything new on your blog! How can you expect me to come back and read your blog if you never post anything new?" If I wanted more people demanding things of me, I would have had more children.

I kid, I kid! Seriously, because so many of you out there depend on me to brighten up your horribly dull and miserable lives, I will procede to give you an update of the incredibly astounding happenings in mine...

As soon as there are any.

I have been MIA because of 1) a four day business trip to San Diego (which I will write about later--later being later in the vaguest sense of the word--but suffice it to say that Dude! Never have I seen so many homeless people in one square mile as I did in SD. While I felt really bad for whatever situation brought the homeless people to that point in their lives, they still kinda creeped me out and seriously curtailed my normal walking-around-whatever-new-city-I-find-myself-in scenario. But if I were homeless, I have to say that San Diego is probably where I would want to be homeless because again, Dude. It was October and dang close to eighty degrees. So there is that) and 2) a family vacation to the Oregon Coast which was lots and lots of fun except for the driving clear across the whole entire freaking state of Oregon twice in a small car with two kids. Other than that, it was super peaceful and stuff.

Because my mind is still on vacation, and frankly, I do not want to talk about the election or anything else of a serious nature, I decided to do what any self-respecting blogger would do in my situation. And that is copy an idea for a post from another blogger. (Why are you looking at me that way? You got a problem, buddy?) Heather from Riding on the Short Bus posted about her worst online dates--if you need a good laugh, head on over there. Too funny. (did you seriously think I would be posting a link? If so, you must be new here. I am linkally-challenged. Google her.)

If I took the time to post all my dating horror stories, we could be here awhile. Not that I was some Dating Dynamo, because I have probably only went out with about seven different men in my whole life. That includes first-and-only dates, and boyfriends, so it's not like I am Queen Hoochymama or something.

Totally unrelated but yet cute story: Last night, Alison dressed up as Snow White for Halloween. When she tried on the SW dress, the front sagged down a bit--well, more than a bit--actually halfway down her stomach. My husband and I started laughing and I said, "Well, she could always go as a Hoochymama!" and then we laughed some more because we are dorks. Ali looked at us strangely and said, "I a hoochymommy?" We assured her that no, she was a pretty princess Snow White, fixed her costume to cover all it was supposed to, and that was that. Or so I thought. I was talking to my mom today while driving and I related to her that story from last night. Alison hollers from the backseat, "Mom! I needa talk ta Gran Gran!" After getting the cell from me, she proceeds to tell my mom, "Guess what, Gran Gran? Ina hoochymommy!" My mom is cracking up, which just spurs Ali to keep up the refrain of "Ina hoochymommy! Ina hoochymommy!" For.Five.Minutes. Eventually she gave herself the hiccups laughing so much. When I finally got the phone back at a stoplight, my mom was in tears from all the laughter. Moral of the story is maybe I should be more careful about what words I use in front of our little curly-headed tape recorder.

Okay, back to our regularly scheduled post about dating..I went out on a date with a very nice guy whom I will call Fred. He does not remotely resemble a Fred but I will call him that because I don't actually know anyone named Fred except for Freddie Mercury whom I think we can all agree that I never went out with and Fred Flintstone whom I never went out with either because a) he is a cartoon and that would be just creepy and 2) he is married and that is just not how I roll.

So anyway...I knew Fred from church where he was very involved in helping teach our youth group. He was polite, gainfully employed in an actual career that required education, could form complete sentences, was not hygenically-challenged, and nice-looking in a rather bland, kinda white bread way. He was well-liked by everyone, and not the type to make moves on every single girl in the right age range. Most of all, he was a Christian, an honest to goodness, real practicing Christian, that like actually read the Bible and tried to live by what it said and stuff! So, you know, cool.

I had liked Fred in the kind of "I would go out with him if he asked me but will not die if he doesn't" way, so when he finally did ask, I accepted. I was very nervous and spent muchly-huge amounts of time pondering the bigger issues surrounding our date, like what was I to wear? How would I do my makeup? How far up should I tease my bangs? that kind of thing. When he picked me up and asked if I liked Chinese food, me and my seen-from-space big hair replied in the affirmative. We went to a very nice restaurant...the kind with NO buffet, NO paper placemats, and fresh flowers on each table. The atmosphere was subdued, quiet and romantic. Certainly the kind of place a young man would take a big-haired nineteen year old girl he was trying to impress. (Why are you focusing on my hair? It was 1990 and I lived in the South. Shut up.) Everything was going swimmingly until our entrees arrived.

I cannot for the life of me remember what I ordered that night, probably sweet and sour something because I can be a creature of habit. But I will never ever forget what Fred ordered. Why, you ask? Why would such an insignificant detail about a man I dated eighteen years ago stick out in my mind like an annoying song that once you hear it in the grocery store, you can't get it out of your head for days? Because Fred ordered Kung Pao Chicken. And apparently, Fred sweats when he eats hot food. Not a slight beading of perspiration on the forehead. Full On Sweat. To quote Larry the Cable Guy, "A bunch of fat women on the way to see the Ricky Martin" kind of sweat.

Strike One.

But sweating was not the only thing that hot food made Fred do. No, no, my friends. It also made his head turn red. Not just his face. His.Entire.Head.

Including.Scalp.Which.I.Had.Not.Previously.Noticed.All.That.Much.

But.Sure.Did.Now.That.It.Was.Signalling.Aircraft.

Stee-rike Two!

As I am sitting there debating whether my date is just having an allergic reaction or is in fact, going to turn into The Kindler, Gentler Version of The Hulk, his eyes begin to water. Then the tears start pouring. Yes, folks, you read that right. Tears. TEEE-HEEEE-HERES. Running down his face, onto his chin, as he is fanning his face with one hand and wiping madly with the other. He looked at me sheepishly and said, "Geez, I forgot what spicy food does to me."

You forgot? You forgot? You forgot that spicy food makes your head resemble a Hot Tamale and reduces you to weeping like a little girl? Huh.

Steee-rike Three! You are Outta There!

It was in that moment I decided that while I am very compassionate and deep and stuff, there are just some things I was not willing to deal with for the rest of my life. Aaaaaand this was one of them.

Fred ended up okay in the end, though. He somehow survived not being chosen as Mr. Missie and went on to date and marry a very nice girl who also attended our church. God bless him and his cute little wife. (Although I bet she never cooks him Kung Pao).

What are some of your dating horror stories?

So totally not a hoochy-mommy.

Droppin a Turkey...

2008-10-09T22:10:00.007-06:00

So the deadline for entering my contest (Oct 15th) is approaching. So far, the following people are joining me in my quest to drop the size of an average Turkey before Thanksgiving:

Robyn
Liz
Elizabeth (for exercise only)

If any others want to sign up, email me at melissa974@earthlink.net or leave a comment. You need to record your weight and your losses on a weekly basis and report the results in to me. You do not have to reveal your actual weight, just the pounds lost. Remember, the person losing the highest PERCENTAGE of weight by December 1st wins the five buckarooni gift card to Starbucks.

In case any of you needed further proof what a classy operation we run around here, I present the following video of my youngest spawn bustin' her moves to the all time classic...

Yeah, baby. The Safety Dance. Now the song will be stuck in your head all day. You're welcome.

(and no, before you ask, I did NOT teach her to stop dancing in order to pick her nose.)

Superlative Soup

2008-09-24T16:17:00.000-06:00

So the Chicken Tortilla Soup was a big hit at our table the other night. I promised you the recipe, so here it goes:

2 14oz cans chicken broth w/roasted garlic**

1 14.5oz can Mexican style stewed tomatoes, undrained

1 9oz pkg frozen chopped cooked chicken breast

2 cups frozen pepper stir-fry vegetables

Corn Chips

Sliced jalapeno peppers (totally optional)

Sour Cream

Cheese

Cilantro

Combine first four ingredients in crockpot. Cover and cook on low heat for 6-7 hours or high for 3-3.5 hours. To serve, ladle into bowls and top with corn chips, peppers, sour cream, cheese, and cilantro according to taste.

This was sooo gooooood, you guys. The soup by itself directly out of the crockpot tasted good, but when I added a small dollop of sour cream to my bowl along with cheese and fresh cilantro, it brought out a whole new array of flavors. My husband and son each ate two bowls of this. I had the remainder today for lunch. If you have a large family or a bunch of good eaters, you might want to double the recipe.

One thing I really like about this soup is that it took all of about five minutes to assemble. The one element that took me the longest in this whole meal preparation was the grating of the cheese!

In all fairness, I cannot let you think I made this up on my own. I got the recipe from "5Ingredient Slow Cooking" by Better Homes and Gardens. I picked up this little cookbook for ten cents at a yard sale on Labor Day. I figured if the recipes were not to my liking, at least I'd only spent a dime on the book. Later this week, we are going to have the Apricot Pulled Pork Sandwiches. Will let you know how that turns out.

**p.s.--I didn't use the chicken broth with the garlic in it. I had regular chicken broth, so I just used that and added about a teaspoon of minced garlic.

p.s. #2--I made some killer zucchini bread this week using the last zuke from our own garden. I have a bit more zuke left and can't decide whether to make another batch or to saute it up. Decisions, decisions.

p.s. #3--have you entered my contest yet? No, I don't think you did. Not that I am pressuring you or anything. I will just cry incessantly and assume no one loves me, but no, really. You should not feel obligated at all.

p.s. #4--I have lost two pounds this week. So far, I am ahead in the contest. I will be buying my own self a Starbucks gift card if none of you sign up. Which is fine, because I love me some 'bucks, but still....again, no pressure.

Back In the Saddle...Again

2008-09-22T13:59:00.000-06:00

So, today starts the zilliondy-seventh time I have begun Weight Watchers on my own. It's 2pm and so far, so good. (If you are wondering exactly how much zilliondy-seven is? It is roughly equal to what we as taxpayers now owe thanks to Fannie, Freddy, and AIG.)

I have Chicken Tortilla Soup cooking in the crockpot. The house is filled with the wonderful aroma of the peppers and spices. If it tastes as good as it smells, I will post the recipe for you.

Do you realize it's only two months until Thanksgiving? Which means only three months until Christmas? Which means that if you are like me, Miss BakeyMcMakeTreatsAlot, then there is only so much time to lose any extra weight before the holidays hit...and with it the extra pounds.

So today, I announce the Fall Drop A Turkey Extravaganza 2008 Edition. (Catchy name, no?) If you want to lose some extra poundage (um, like some people need to lose roughly the equivalent of two turkeys, coughcough, not me for I am but a shadow) but are having a hard time doing it and need some "encouragement", feel free to email me directly at melissa974@earthlink.net. I promise to keep on your back if you keep on mine. Together we can lose and get in shape for the holidays. Those of you who feel like it can disclose your stats to me, such as current weight, pounds lost goal, etc. I will post weekly updates here, such as "Thumbelina lost four pounds this week!" (I will not post your current weight on the site, so no worries there.)The person losing the highest percentage of weight by December 1st wins a $5 Starbucks gift card. So get signed up today, and get the pounds off by the time the family gathers around the dry turkey.

In other news, I signed up on facebook and myspace. And am now getting friend requests from people I have never heard of. My popularity knows no bounds, apparently.

In still other news, Girlfriend has decided that there's more than one use for a hand-crocheted Barbie dress. And that she doesn't need to nap anymore.

What up, dog?

Is it sad or just pathetic when you realize your preschooler is cooler than you?
Come on, vogue!

That's My Story...

2008-09-09T11:25:00.001-06:00

....aaaaaaand I'm stickin' to it.

My life, summed up in picture form

2008-08-27T22:40:00.000-06:00

more animals

Watch Out, Broadway

2008-08-21T18:55:00.000-06:00

Translation:

I thank God for this day
For the sun in the sky
For my mom and my dad
For my piece of apple pie
For our home on the ground
For his love that's all around
That's why I say thanks every day

Because a thankful heart is a happy heart
I'm glad for what I have
That's an easy way to start
For the love that he shares
Cuz he listens to my prayers
That's why I say thanks every day

Miscellany

2008-08-12T08:43:00.000-06:00

I am in California this week at our company's head office, doing document reproduction work. Which is a glorified way of saying I am copying, filing, and printing reports out the wazoo. I arrived yesterday morning and won't be back home until Friday night. I already miss the family, but it sure is nice to be able to have an entire latte to myself.

Remember, like a hundred years ago, when I instituted Recipe Friday? Which then got changed to Recipe Whenever I Remember, which then got changed to Recipes That Will Never Happen Because I am Too Busy to Remember and You Guys Think I am Full of Crud? Yeah? Good times, they were. Anyway, today I am imparting to you my recipe for zucchini because 1) It's super easy, B) I need content to fill this here blog besides my rambling, and Thirdly), It is super yummy and you will like it. I found the original recipe on, of all things, a romance readers' blog in the comments, and have adapted it to fit our family's palate. Feel free to pass this off as your own, but remember to secretly thank me when people rave about it, mkay?

Missie's Zucchini (because I am all wordsmithy like that)

Zucchini, Peeled and sliced in whatever size appeals to you

Onions, chopped

Brown Sugar

Butter

Beef Boullion Powder or Cubes, and Water

Cayenne Pepper or Pepper Flakes

Saute zucchini and onions over med high heat in butter. When zucchini starts to soften, add brown sugar. Start with about 2-3 tablespoons. You can always add more later. Dissolve beef boullion cube in about 1/4 c boiling water and add to pan. If using beef boullion powder, which I prefer, add about 1-2 tbsp. There is no need to add additional salt, because the boullion is salty enough. Add cayenne and simmer for about ten minutes. You can make this as sweet or spicy as you desire. Add more sugar or beef boullion to taste.

My husband loves this served over a hamburger patty. This makes a great side dish, and an unusual way to use up the zucchini overflowing your garden (or the gardens of people from church who foist their extras off on you after service).

If you try this, give me your opinion!

Have a good one, everyone!

p.s. Update on the Invitashuns of Eggsellent Grammer: They were ordered from an actual printshop! Boggles the mind, doesn't it?

I'm Not Making This Up...

2008-07-27T17:32:00.000-06:00

One of my husband's shirt-tail relations is getting married in two weeks. On the response card that came with the invitation, it read:

"We will not be registering

Money will be appreciated to help us

Along are way on are homeymoon"

Klassy.

We are getting them his and hers doo-rags to wear on their homeymoon to South Central Los Angeles. As well as the latest edition of Hooked on Phonics.

I just hope those crazy kids don't get deevorxd.

Raaaawwwwwr!

2008-06-27T22:48:00.000-06:00

I'ne a Pi-watt!

Thank you, Spongebob.

Three

2008-06-24T11:31:00.000-06:00

Dear Alison,

Yesterday you turned three years old.

You are such a big girl now that it breaks my heart. You are funny and sweet and emotional. You are loving and tomboyish and girly. You have definite opinions and are not afraid to express them. You are adventurous and mischievious and downright alot of work.

I was a happy person before you were born. I loved your daddy and your brother, and was overall contented with my life. I never felt that something was missing. Never felt that a part of me lay dormant and unexplored. Never felt that there was just one more thing that I needed to attain in order to feel that my life was where it was supposed to be.

Until you.

I looked in your little pudgy jaundiced face and realized that this was it. This bundle of squalling newborn was the missing piece to my life's puzzle. I worried before you were born that I wouldn't love you as much as I loved your brother. It scared me how much I loved him. I worried that you would get leftovers of me, that my best momming years might be in the past. That you would somehow come out on the short end of the stick. I knew I would love you, but I just didn't know how much.

Yeah. I shouldn't have worried.

My daughter. My sweetie. My noodle. You are so much more than I ever hoped for. I love you completely. Totally. Crazily. You are my meemit, my beebee, my punkin punkin. You are my baby baby girl. You are It.

When I saw you laying so helplessly sick in the hospital and thought about what my life would be like without you, my knees buckled. My heart clenched. I broke out in a cold sweat. You have woven your way through the fibers of my heart. You make my life complete in a way that I can't explain. You'll understand one day when you have kidlets of your own.

I almost cannot remember our family life before you. I know we were very happy. And I know we weren't as busy. I seem to remember it being alot quieter around here.

But I wouldn't trade all the noise and the chaos and the tears and the emotional breakdowns that you have on a thrice daily basis for anything in the world. Daddy and Zach feel the same way.

Happy Bertcake, Sweetness. I love you.

Love,

Mama

Ummmm, yeah...

2008-06-03T10:13:00.000-06:00

Ever think you are doing really well on your diet/exercise/new life style plan for world domination...and then see a picture of yourself and realize it is not working out so hot for ya?

And no, I am not doing the "Loser" sign. I have no idea what I was doing, but it definitely was not the loser sign.

I am consoling myself with the fact that if I were alive during the Renaissance, I would be considered really really hot. Because they liked their women fleshy and rotund.

I Melt

2008-05-30T16:02:00.000-06:00

Alison: Mommy! My bess fwen!
Me: What, sweetie?
Alison: My bess fwen!
Me: Your best friend?
Alison: Yeah, Mommy. My bess fwen my Zacky. I luh my Zacky.

It's times like that, that make all this mommying worth while.

So Not Fair

2008-05-22T12:19:00.000-06:00

Some of you may already know this, but for those who do not, Christian recording artist Steven Curtis Chapman and his family have suffered a horrible loss this week. Their five year old daughter, Maria, was struck and killed in the driveway of their family home in Tennessee...by a vehicle driven by one of the Chapmans' teenaged sons.

I cannot begin to imagine the horror and grief that this family is going through right now. In addition to the loss of their precious girl, they are having to deal with the tragedy being caused by one of their other children. My son would be absolutely devastated if he were to cause pain or injury to my daughter...their son is surely feeling guilt and self-blame beyond comprehension.

I remember hearing Steven in concert about nineteen years ago in a small church in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. He was up on stage with his guitar, singing these heart-felt songs that he had written. He spoke of his love for God and for his wife and children. He was so genuine, so down to earth, so real. A few years ago, a friend loaned me a video that Steven and his wife had made showing their journey towards adopting a little girl from China. Since then, they have adopted a total of three. Maria was one of them. By the end of the video, I was in tears and thanking God that there are people like the Chapmans in the world who will rescue babies from orphanages.

Let's all say a prayer for this family. Not just today, but any time that you remember them. They are going to need it.

How to put it?

2008-05-15T10:03:00.000-06:00

Dear Nice Lady,

Thanks for coming by my booth at the conference today. It was a pleasure meeting you and discussing how we might do business together.

On a personal note, I thought your lemon yellow capri pantsuit was divine. It was breezy and casual, yet dressy. Perfect for the conference setting in this beautiful resort. Your hair and make up were fantastic, and the glasses you chose were just the right shape for your face. Your jewelry added just the right touch, a little bling but not too much. And your shoes? We will not get into a discussion of your shoes, because they were divine and made me want to mug you for them. It is obvious you put alot of care and thought into your fashion choices.

But next time? You might want to reconsider the black thong. I am just sayin'.

Your New Friend,
Missie

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-10T18:09:00.000-06:00

To all of you wonderful ladies out there who go by the name of Mom, Mommy, Mama, or Maaaahmaaaaay--I want to wish you the happiest and best of days. May you be surrounded by your children and those you love. Or at least not be bothered by those who annoy you.

We are in Idaho, happy to be home. All is not unpacked or organized yet, which stresses me to no end. But it feels right to be here. I missed Idaho in more ways than I even thought.

Monday I leave for two days in Chicago followed by three days in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. I don't want to leave again so soon after just coming back from one trip and then moving, but what can ya do? I am looking forward to getting some good uninterrupted sleep at some point during next week. That alone is almost worth the hassle of going. We will be meeting with many of our clients face to face, so therefore I must be dressed in "business formal" attire (my boss' emphasis). Dang. I thought I could just show up in my bikini and hot pink feather boa and call it good. We are heading directly from the airport to a client's office, which means one thing...that when I leave my house at approximately 5 freaking AM on Monday, I will have to be in HEELS! HOSE! A SKIRT! WITH HAIR DONE! Can we say, No comfy traveling? That part stinks. I no likey.

I promise to post a more informative entry when I return. (quit laughing. seriously. you are hurting my feelings.) Have a great weekend!

Tom Cruise Didn't Kidnap Me

2008-04-24T10:40:00.001-06:00

Hey, gang! Sorry for not updating sooner, but blahblahcrazyhecticlifeblahblah you have heard it all before. Here's a brief update:

My inlaws, the wonderful glorious helpful great people that they are, flew in a week ago Monday to help us pack up our house. They will then be driving our moving truck back to Idaho with us while we drive our car. These people, in addition to producing the most handsome man ever to be borned on the planet, are expert packers and organizers. They should seriously have their own show on HGTV called How To Move Properly. They are the bomb. (And they are all mine and no, I won't share. Until you put up with their son for sixteen years and give them grandchildren, they are not yours, so there.)

Anyway, my mom in law was packing up my kitchen the other day and said to me, "I need some more stuff for this box. Do you care if I get some living room stuff and put it in here with the kitchen stuff?" Now, ponder that for a moment....I replied, "I have someone willing to pack my house up, for free, who is also very nice and cares that my stuff doesn't get broken. And you are asking if I care what goes in what box? You could put my underwear in with the spices or my shoes in with my collander, and I WOULD.NOT.CARE." Isn't that like the Best Christmas/Birthday/GroundHog's Day Present Ever? Yes, am spoiled. Nyah,nyah,nyah.

They are also helping watch the kidlets while I am in California. I flew out on Sunday to come work in our company's head office and to attend a convention. IN.DISNEYLAND. Again, how cool is that? I don't return to MO until Saturday night late, which will make this one looooong week. I am having some fun, but work is pretty intense too. I took a beginning accounting class for about twelve hours over a two day period, and my brain has now officially become tapioca. Then on Saturday, I get to take a 200 question, four hour exam in order to get certified by the Grand Poobahs of Certification for People Who Do What I Do. There you go again with the envying me. Please stop. I'll try not to enjoy the test too much. (help me. please. come bust me out of here?)

We sign on our house on Monday and will be heading out to God's Country immediately following. We are very excited and happy and wanting to shake the dust of Missouri off our feet when we hit the border. ;)

Becki over at Nervous Girl was getting nervous that I hadn't posted in awhile and also hadn't emailed her to assure her that we didn't move to a commune that eschewed all outside contact. I guess I hadn't realized that many of you were still so concerned about Alison's well-being. Thanks for that, and she is great. She is doing all the things an almost three year old does, except in hyper-speed. Kinda like a lemur on crack drinking a Starbucks. She is fully recovered except for her scar.

But the child is so obviously traumatized by my absence, since she only has her father, brother, and doting grandparents to grant her every wish and wait on her hand and foot.

Example...my typical phone conversation with her since arriving in CA:

Ali: Hi, Mommy! You wokeing?

Me: Yes, baby, I am working. How are you?

Ali: I do fine. I pway blocks Daddy Zacky Grammi Papa! Uno Dos Tres Quatro Cinco Sayce! I count!

Me: Wow! That's so cool! You are so smart, honey! I love you.

Ali: I fuddy! I so siddy! You siddy too Mommy!

Me: Yes, I am silly too. I love you, punkin.

Ali: I eat cookies! Grammi cookies! I pway! I see Diego Dora show on tee-bees! I go now! Bye!

Me: (calling into an empty phone) I love you, baby girl!

Zack: It's me now, Mom. And I resent being called Baby Girl.

So clearly, the child will need serious therapy if I stay gone much longer...

Be good, you guys, and don't let anything too exciting happen in the next little bit, because I will be severely behind on reading all your blogs.

(insert really cool picture of me all tanned and toned dressed in island wear holding a virgin pina colada standing in front of a Disney statue. Because my days have been just like that. Well, except for the tanned and toned part. Oh, and the island wear part. And the virgin pina colada part. But I have drank plenty of Diet Coke. And I walked by some Disney statues. Okay, never mind. Go on back to your business, people. There's nothing to see here.)

I Hope You're Not Eating Anything...

2008-04-11T12:45:00.000-06:00

The three sites with sutures sticking out are where the various chest tubes were...

The long scar above them is where the surgeon had to cut in between my baby's ribs in order to get to her lungs.

Keep in mind this picture is two weeks after surgery.

You can't see it here very well, but she had an IV line in her right arm in which she received antibiotics once a day. For a week. This is her AFTER the initial screaming and thrashing that occured every time we had to hook her up to the handy-dandy little machine there.

And the picture I didn't post was the one of me collapsed on the master bathroom floor in tears the day we brought her home from the hospital, after we tucked her into her nice warm bed with her favorite blanket and stuffed animals, and our house was all quiet and peaceful. And it fully hit me how very very close we came to losing our baby girl.

Alright, Already!

2008-04-07T12:57:00.001-06:00

My friend Becki from over at Nervous Girl chastised me via email the other day for not posting the results of Alison's doctors appointment on Thursday, and rightfully so. I am sorry about the delay on getting the info out there, but this pesky little thing called life keeps standing in the way of my blogging. Sheesh, if these children would quit clamoring to be fed, maybe I could get some stuff done around here!

Seriously though, the appointment went very well. First we had to take her to the hospital to get a chest x-ray. This part did not go so smoothly. She was ushered back into the same room where she had previous x-rays during her hospital stay, and this did not set well. Poor thing was so nervous and upset that someone somewhere was going to poke at her or give her nasty medicine that she just plain freaked out. Not that I blamed her in the tiniest bit, because I was not all that jazzed to be back at the hospital either.

The xray showed that there is still some inflammation in the pleural lining around her lung, but that is very normal based on what she had. There is still a bit of pneumonia in her lung itself, but the doctor seems to think that this will be reabsorbed (um, yuck) back into her body. She did get her PICC line taken out, which means no more IV antibiotics. (and all God's children said AMEN for that bit of news!) She is still on her very nasty tasting Clindamycin for the next week, but that is such a small price to pay for her getting better.

The doctor who saw her while in the hospital, Dr M, is such a nice man. He is very gentle with kids and has a great bedside manner. But because he was one of the people in scrubs who kept coming in to poke, prod, look at, or otherwise bother Alison? She has major things against him. When he came into the exam room, she just closed her eyes and turned her head away from him with this whole, "You are dead to me" vibe. She would not answer or respond to him in any way. I guess she figured that if she ignored him, he would go away. It was quite hilarious to watch, and yet sad at the same time. My girl, who would normally be Miss BlahBlahStranger LetMeTalkYourEarOff Girl, now has Scrub Anxiety.

Last night, when she was being a little stinker and trying to lick her daddy's face, we realized that she is fully back to Pre-Hospitalized Ali Form. Her personality has come back full force, as has her energy level. I believe at one point my husband's comment was, "Did you give her crack?" (and in case you are wondering, No, I did not. I only give my children pot.) (I so fuddy.)

She has an appointment this Thursday with her surgeon. I may or may not at some point post pictures of what her little back looks like with the stitches and the scar and all that, you know, just to freak you out. I figure if we have to look at it and cringe, you should too. Because I said so.

And I am working on the hospital story for a later posting. And by later posting, well, you know what I mean. And by working on it, I mean I am thinking about writing it in between doing laundry and eating all the food in my house. Because I have priorities, people.

Thank God for Stupid Criminals

2008-04-02T20:33:00.001-06:00

...and observant people.

On March 12 when our car was stolen out of our garage, another couple in our neighborhood had their car stolen the same night. They too left the garage door open by mistake and left a spare set of keys in their car. This young couple in their twenties came to see us the afternoon after our cars were stolen to compare notes and find out if we knew anything they didn't about the situations. I think their names are Tiffany and J-something, so I will call him Jeff for sake of this story.

Tiffany and Jeff live around the corner from us. In fact you can see their house when you stand in our back yard. They were very sweet and we really enjoyed talking to them. We have seen them a few times around the neighborhood since the theft, and always stop to say hi and find out if the sheriff has ever contacted them again. We were both told that once your car gets stolen in this county, you probably won't see it again. The only way they usually find stolen cars around here is to get a tip, or to stumble upon it abandoned on one of the over 500 miles of country road that make up the county. So yeah, neither one of us were expecting to ever see our vehicles again.

Today, Tiffany and Jeff were out in their yard when they looked up to see a lady drive by in a Lincoln that looked surprisingly like theirs. Jeff remarked to his wife, 'Honey, that looks like our car.' The lady had a few kids in the back seat and was driving very slowly through the neighborhood, looking carefully at houses. It was only about a minute later that Jeff realized that it was in fact their car the lady was driving! T and J hopped in their car and followed the lady while contacting the police. The lady realized she was being followed and floored it, losing our amateur crimefighters. Due to their quick thinking, the lady was soon surrounded by about five sheriffs vehicles and was soon made a guest of the county.

After recovering their car, T and J made their way to our house to notify us that we could probably expect to hear about our car too. At the same time that was happening, I was driving and received a call from a captain with the sheriff's office that went something like this:

Captian: Did you folks recently report your car stolen?

Me: Yes, sir, we did.

Captain: Well, I am standing right here looking at it!

Me: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!! YAY!!!!

Captain: I now need hearing aids....

Okay, just kidding on that last sentence. But seriously, how cool is that? Our car was abandoned in a apartment complex parking lot in the north side of town far far from where we live. Apparently, the "lady" who was driving the Lincoln? She first proclaimed that she had no idea the car she was driving was stolen, it must have been the work of her son! (nice way to throw your kid under the bus, sister.) But after further questioning, she admitted that she knew where our car was, that the battery had been taken out of it so that another car could be stolen, and oh by the way, here's the keys that go to that car. The woman was driving around with my keys in her purse! What a moron! And who cruises the neighborhood you stole a car from...in the stolen car?! In broad daylight?! I would so make a better criminal than that.

So we loaded the kids into our new used car and warp-speeded it over to the apt complex to pick up our old used car. It has some scratches in the paint that look like they drove it through a field and there is slight dent in the door. Alison's carseat is missing, as are our CDs. But you know what? I don't really care. We have our car back. We did not lose $5700 like we thought we did. A stolen car ring has been busted, thanks to the quick actions of our neighbors. Who sooo will be getting a nice gift certificate from us soon.

So at last, a happy ending to one chapter in the drama of our lives since moving to Missouri. How wonderful. Thank you, Lord for answering prayers and watching out for your children, even when we whine.

Now we don't have to depend upon Buzz to give us a lift in his spaceship.

Ali Update Part Deux

2008-03-31T19:57:00.000-06:00

Alison is home! She was discharged on Saturday, for which we are so thankful. She loves being at home, but hasn't reverted back to her normal self yet. She is still very cautious, not as talkative, and uses only her left hand as her right arm has an IV port, or PICC line, in it. She's not eating much, but more than she did in the hospital. She is drinking alot and staying hydrated, so that's a good sign.

We have a doctor's appt on Thursday. They will do another chest xray (about her tenth) to determine if the pneumonia is completely gone or not. If so, then we can stop the IV antibiotics that we have to administer every day. She will still be on oral antibiotics (that taste like absolute crapola) for at least another week.

Then, on April 10th, she has an appt with the surgeon who did her thoracotomy. He will take out the stitches and determine if everything is going okay. Hopefully, after all this, we will have no more encounters with doctors for awhile.

Some of you have emailed me questions about how Alison's sickness came to be, and what the complications were. I will do a post later in the week detailing what happened and our experience in the hospital. (And by "later in the week", I really mean whenever I get a chance. You knew that, right?)

Our girl is doing so much better and we are happy to have her home with us where she belongs. On Saturday while driving home, I looked at my husband and said, "Do you realize this is the first time in seven days that all four of us have been in the car at the same time?" and I almost started crying. This experience has been even worse than pregnancy in terms of getting my emotions all crazyfied.

Have a good week, everybody. I know I will because my Sweet Girl is home. Everything else will just be gravy.

Ali Update

2008-03-26T17:54:00.000-06:00

Alison is off the ventilator...good.

Alison still has two chest tubes...bad.

Alison realizes she has chest tubes and wants to pull them out...bad.

Alison's surgeon thinks everything looks great and wants to discharge her on Saturday...good.

Alison will have to have IV antibiotics for 10 days to 2 weeks after discharge...bad.

Alison's mommy and daddy will have to give them to her twice a day....really bad.

Alison is on pain medication....very very good.

Alison became combatative and loopy last night because of a medication she was overly sensitive to...bad.

Alison's doctor changed the medication and she received a dose of happy juice that ended her three and a half hour tirade....very very unbelievably good.

Alison soon gets to come home and be with her mommy, daddy, and big brother..........out of this world good.

Alison's mommy has the best friends in the world who pray for a little girl they may have never seen in person......also out of this world good.

Answered Prayers

2008-03-24T21:36:00.000-06:00

Alison came through the surgery like a champ and the surgeon was able to remove all the gunk from her lung area. She is currently on a ventilator, but will be removed from that tomorrow morning sometime. She has so much medicine in her little body right now that I know she is feeling no pain, but seeing her in this condition hurts the three of us more than anything. We are thanking God that the surgery went well and she is on her way to a full recovery with no lasting side effects. All your prayers made a difference.

We know she is receiving excellent care. We know she is right where she needs to be to get over this horrible pneumonia related illness. We know that trained medical professionals are watching her 24/7 with nothing on their minds but getting her well. We know all this.

But what I also know? Is that I will crawl into an empty bed tonight, because my bestest friend slash husband is at the hospital spending the night on a folding cot in a room across the hall from the Pediatric ICU because my curly-headed little girl is breathing through a ventilator that makes her sound like Darth Vader. My baby is not at my house, in her bed, being watched over by loving parents and a brother who loves her with all his heart. I know that I won't get woken up by her calls of "Maaaaahm! I nee apple juice!" at three am. I know that she won't be here in the morning, waking me up too early all because she "nee to watcha show!" I know this, and it breaks my heart.

But thank you, all of you, for your prayers and support and listening and all of it during this time. You are the bestest peoples ever. Your comments, phone calls and emails have made a world of difference in this hard time. To quote my daughter, "I wuv you duys!"

Alison should be in the hospital for at least five more days. Please continue to pray for her speedy full recovery and for fortitude for us.

Thanks again,
Missie

Baby Girl Update

2008-03-24T09:21:00.001-06:00

Hi everyone. This is Missie's friend Robyn posting for her- it looks like Ali will have surgery today to get all the crap out of her lung. Unfortunately, the stuff is too thick to drain, so they will have to remove it surgically.

It's never easy to see a loved one in a hospital, but there is a special level of stress when it is your small child. Missie said Ali had so many tubes and wires coming out of her she could pick up pay-per-view. She is asking again for your prayers and good thoughts. For those of you who are so minded, please join me:

Father God, we ask now that You be with Ali, to comfort her in her pain and fear. We ask You to help the surgeon; to guide his hands and give him supernatural wisdom, and to surround the medical team in every aspect of this operation from pre-op to post-op. And thank You for sending the Holy Spirit, our comforter, to give Missie, Roger, and Zach the peace that passes understanding. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Pray, Y'all...

2008-03-23T10:03:00.000-06:00

We had to admit Alison into the hospital last night.

She has a pleural effusion around her lungs, which basically means a bunch of infected fluidy-type stuff has taken up residence there and needs to be drained. Which means my baby is going to have a chest tube put in this afternoon. I am 37 and I have never had a chest tube. Happy Easter.

Anyway, if you could see fit to take a minute and pray for my daughter, I would so appreciate it. She is going from a regular room to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit today. That is so hard to type. My baby should not be in any care unit but mine at home.

Please pray for my husband and son also, that they can handle this strain and stress and deal with their schooling too. Pray for me that I can go with no sleep for much longer, because I have a feeling that's what it's coming to. Just...just pray, please.

Thank you for reading this very disjointed and rambling post. I am out of sorts because my baby girl isn't here jumping on my lap and getting all in my grill 24/7. She should be overdosing on Easter candy and getting dressed up in a frilly dress for church right now, not be hooked up to IV antibiotics and wearing a faded hospital gown. This is not how Easter should be. I am whining and I am sorry.

Going to take a shower now and pack stuff to head back to the hospital. Please Lord, give me strength. And heal my baby. Thank You.

Ripley Won't Believe It...

2008-03-17T11:02:00.001-06:00

Since I last posted, the following things have happened...

My flu progressed to pneumonia, requiring me to try to find a doctor here who would take a very sick new patient..

My daughter's cold progressed to pneumonia, requiring chest xrays, blood work, expensive prescriptions, etc...

My husband's flu progressed to a killer sinus infection which required me calling his walk in clinic doctor about four times to get a reasonably priced prescription...(did I mention we have no health insurance?)

Our car was stolen out of our garage. Pneumonia Girl left the keys in the ignition and we forgot to shut the garage door...Because it was a used car with about 100K miles on it, we only had liability coverage. Yeah. Digest that for a minute.

We found out that homeowners' insurance does not cover the theft of your own car...

We listed our house and sold it in four hours...

We are on our way back to Idaho, otherwise known as The Land We Should Not Have Left, at the end of April...

I realize this sounds like a bad Lifetime Original Movie, but yes, this has been our life for the past two weeks. Try not to envy me. It doesn't look good on you.

Sick Freak

2008-03-03T14:19:00.000-07:00

Last Monday, I came down with the flu. Not to be left out, on Tuesday, my husband joined me. Yesterday, our son had a temperature of 102. As of now, our daughter is just onery, not sickly.

My friends, I am here to testify that this strain of the flu, KICKMYBUTTUS in Latin, is horrendous. Fever, chills, aches--check. Coughing, runny nose, head filled with cotton--check. Fatigue so intense that it makes the early days of my pregnancies look like I was running on espresso? Check. This is the worst sickness I have had in probably my entire adult life. While my husband and I are finally on the mend, we have heard from our doctor that some people are taking up to two weeks to get over this. And there is absolutely nothing you can do about it once you get it--other than ride it out.

Oh, and in case you don't hear about this in the news, because you really won't---the flu shot will not protect you this year, because the shot was for a different strain other than the one currently spreading across the country.

Please everybody....wash your hands frequently, stay away from anyone remotely sick, and get plenty of Vitamin C. You really really really do not want this.

Stay healthy, my friends. I will be back when I recover fully. (physically...we aren't waiting for the mental recovery, because that could be awhile.)

p.s. We aren't contagious anymore, so if anyone wants to come help me with the Laundry Pile That Can Be Seen From Space, let me know.

Real Life Conversations

2008-02-18T13:00:00.001-07:00

Setting: Living room, night, watching tv with Son, see commercial for eHarmony.

Son: Mom, if they have eHarmony, do they have eDivorces, too?

Me: Why did you think of that?

Son: (stands up in front of the television) Hi, I'm Dr. Clark Warren Neal, founder of eDivorces. Remember when you signed up to that online dating service and thought you'd find the love of your life? Remember how it was great for a few months and then you got married? Remember how he wasn't as great as you thought and actually he's really a meanie? Sign up now for eDivorces dot com to get rid of a person you never should have married anyway because you didn't know him well enough. (Son then begins dancing around the room in parody of the happy couples singing, "I'm divorced now! I'm done with you!")

Me: Out of the mouths of babes.

Setting: Husband, Girl Child, and Me in the car, driving home from eating Indian food, passing by a church with a billboard that reads...

Me: "Make Jesus your valentine"?

Hub: Wow. Boy. Not good.

Me: What's next, "Make Jesus your Easter Bunny"?

Hub: Or what about "Make Jesus your Jack-o-lantern"?

Me: "Make Jesus Your Veteran"? You know, this would not work with every holiday.

Hub: "Make Jesus Your President"?

Me: "Make Jesus Your Santa"?

(After laughter dies down...)

Hub: We're not that funny really.

Me: No. No we are not.

Setting: My sister in law's kitchen, whole family assembled, mother in law and I are discussing our trip to New Orleans in 2005.

Me: I think we flew on Delta.

MomInLaw: No, we flew on that other one.

Me: American?

MIL: No, we flew on Bob.

Me: Bob? There is no airline called Bob.

MIL: Well, it was something like Bob.

Me: Do you mean TED? Like in United's regional line?

MIL: Yeah, maybe it was TED.

Setting: Our apartment in California, circa 2001. My parents are down for Christmas and my dad wants to see a certain Navy movie that just came out.

My Mom: Do you think Roger would want to go to the movie with Dad?

Me: I'm not sure. What movie is it?

MM: Some movie about some war.

Me: Oookay...That's a little vague. Who's in it?

MM: Robert de Niro and that other guy.

Me: That narrows it down. Does the other guy have a name?

MM: Oh, what is it?......I know! Scooby Dooba!

Me: Scooby Dooba? Who in the heck is Scooby Dooba?!

MM: He's that nice looking young black man who was in that one movie with Tom Something about sports.

Me: Do you mean Cuba Gooding Jr?

MM: (smiling) Yeah, that's him. I knew you knew who I was talking about.

I am soooo not related to any of these people...

Soup, Mmmmm Good!

2008-02-07T12:38:00.000-07:00

I love soup. Really really love soup. A steaming hot bowl of broccoli-cheddar? A mug full of real Oregon Coast clam chowder with a pat of butter melting on top? A trough full of spicy chili with a side of cornbread? All guaranteed to make my heart go pitter-patter. (And unfortunately, to make my stomach and thighs go "flibber-flabber".)

"Shoup? You has shoup? Whatchu talkin' bout, Willis?"

My great-grandfather was a cook in the Navy. Some of my fondest childhood memories are of going to his house for lunch and being presented with a huge bowl of split-pea and ham soup so thick you could stand your spoon up in it.

Soup is such a comfort food, such a pick-me-up and make-me-feel-all-is-well-again food. But if you are like me, most of the soup you ingest comes from a can. There are some really good canned soups out there (Progresso's Light Southwest comes to mind), but there is nothing that says home and hearth quite like a bowl of homemade soup.

Today, I made this recipe given to me at a Weight Watchers meeting. Quick, easy, and oh so good. And only 1 point a cup.

Try it this week, and let me know what you think.

Super Easy Potato Soup

3 cans chicken broth

1 pkg Country Gravy Mix

1 pkg (28oz) O'Brien style frozen potatoes

Mix the broth and gravy mix together in a large pot. Add potatoes. Heat until boiling, then bring down to simmer. Cook for approx 15 minutes, or until potatoes are cooked through.

Eat and enjoy.

This would also be great with sandwiches or as a snack for kids after school to warm them up.

"Zacky eat all shoup! No shoup for Ali? Waaaaaah!"

If your laxative label reads "24% more medicine than before"...

2008-01-30T19:26:00.000-07:00

You should totally believe it.

Weekend Update

2008-01-28T12:55:00.000-07:00

I am down 1.6 lbs as of last Wednesday.

I ate a bunch of fudge this weekend.

The fudge wasn't even that good.

I took a long hard look at my stomach a few days ago.

My eyes are still blurry with tears.

I worked out twice in the last four days, then walked about two miles on Saturday, then took Sunday off.

My keister and thighs still hurt.

I bought a great shirt at Coldwater Creek this weekend for $20, only to bring it home and discover it is too big.

Yay on the too big.

I called the store to find out if they had a smaller one.

Um, no. Waaah.

I made a very simple recipe I saw Paula Deen demonstrate. Only four ingredients. Looked delicious.

In reality? Not so much. Waaah again.

Still need to finish painting the "What Happens in Vegas, Stays In Vegas" Red bathroom.

House still not organized to my liking.

Will have husband help color my hair tonight.

Pray, y'all.

The end.

Laugh With Me

2008-01-17T16:01:00.000-07:00

Wanna hear something funny?

'mKay, so this woman goes into Weight Watchers, like 2 years ago almost. And she pays all this money and she loses weight, like say, oh 17 pounds or so. And then, she goes off of Weight Watchers and tries to do it herself, on her own, since she's so smart and she's lost all this weight already and she has the materials and she knows how to do this and why pay this huge company any more money?

And then the woman's father dies, she has to take multiple business trips, she moves across the country, then faces the holidays. The woman realizes that "hey, this whole doing it on my own thing is not working out so hot for me, so let's rejoin WW!" Then the woman goes to her first meeting yesterday and gets weighed in...only to discover she has regained twelve of the seventeen pounds she lost. TWELVE, people! Twelve!!!!!! That is one more than eleven, one less than thirteen.

Laugh with me, my friends, lest I cry by myself.

My Precioussssss

2008-01-14T07:33:00.001-07:00

Oh, my darling, my dearest! I have waited so long to finally be with you. Here you are in my home at last where I can gaze upon your beauty at my leisure and bask in your warm glow. I promise to care for you and cherish you as a mother would for her child, because lo, you cost about as much. And now, I shall share pictures of you with my internets so that they too can be amazed by your gloriousness....

You came to me empty, but I filled you with treasures that have been hidden away under a bushel (okay, in a box) for many years...

Ignore the jealous whisperings of the Dyson, my dear! She realizes her days in the sun as my favorite possession are over...

Everything else looks like garbage waiting in the corner to be taken out compared to you, my pretty.

Edja-mah-cayshun

2008-01-07T10:14:00.000-07:00

Some of you who know me in real life have probably picked up on one of my major character traits...I tend to be organized. Not anal-retentive, have a schedule for every day planned to the minute, any deviation in plan results in a breakdown organized, but just fairly organized. I tend to know what is going on, when this thing needs to happen, what I need to do to facilitate it, etc. I plan. I write stuff down. I love my calendar. Just saying.

So it would follow that since we are moving our children across the country, and one of them chilluns will need to transfer schools, that I would get on that before the move. In early December, I called the middle school that my son would be attending here. I explained to the nice receptionist who answered that I needed to enroll my son IN SIXTH GRADE and could I please speak to someone who could help me? She transferred me to the counselor and I left a message on her voice mail.

Fast forward to about 2.5 weeks later. I still hadn't gotten a call back from anyone at this middle school. The reason I had not noticed this sooner was because, hello, moving, packing, working, taking care of a toddler. I called again about December 18, so I could get the info I needed before everyone cleared out for the Christmas holidays. Again, no call back.

Now, if you ever want to make me angry at you? If you ever want me to track you down like a dirty dog and run you over with my big big truck? Then be in some sort of business or service organization and have your job be to HELP PEOPLE and have a stinking voice mail where people can LEAVE MESSAGES FOR A CALL BACK with a nice little recording telling me how my call is important to you....then never call me back. That is guaranteed to tick me off bigtime.

Anyway, someone finally called me back last Thursday. And informed me that my son would not be attending the middle school...he would be attending the INTERMEDIATE SCHOOL. Which in Missouri, is where fifth and sixth graders go. All this time, I have been calling the middle school, because stupid me has never heard of a goofy thing called an Intermediate School. And the receptionist at the middle school never told me any different. Ugh. So first big annoyance there.

But is that the end of your story, you ask? Why no, it's not. For lo, that would be too easy. I called the Intermediate school on Friday and spoke with a lady I shall call T. I verified with T what records I would need to bring with my child when I registered him, etc. She told me that they were open on Friday until 4pm, or I could just register him on Monday. We decided to wait until Monday since my husband had his orientation for seminary on Friday and would have barely gotten home in time for us to get our son out to the school to register him.

I load my son up in the car with all the accompanying records today for the 40 minute drive to the school. Gee, that seems like a long way for him to go to school, you say. And yes, I would agree. Except the school is actually only about 12 minutes away....if you know where you are going. Which thanks to Googlemaps and the Missouri Dept of Transportation, I did not. Suffice it to say that when a street has more than one name, let's say like Farm Road 666 and Doghouse Road, and one name is listed on Googlemaps but the other name is listed on the street sign, it makes for an interesting little drive.

We finally arrived at said Intermediate School and proceeded to get the Zman registered. I was getting ready to leave and asked the other receptionist, whom I shall call R, "Can he just pay for his lunch today in cash and I will send a check for a month's worth of lunches tomorrow?" She blinked owlishly at me and stated, "Oh, he can't stay today. We have a 24 hour rule that children cannot attend school the same day they are registered. We need time to get the books, desk, schedule, etc ready. He can come tomorrow."

What the ? Have you ever heard of such a stupid rule? And by the way, why didn't the first receptionist I spoke with on Friday, WHO HAPPENED TO BE SITTING RIGHT THERE TWO FEET FROM WHERE I WAS STANDING, tell me this? Why is it not listed anywhere on the school's website? I felt like an idiot, as did my poor boy who was sitting there with his backpack all loaded up and raring to go to class. I have never in my life been to or heard of an elementary or middle school that would not let a child attend until 24 hours after he was registered. It's not like they need to do a criminal background check--I am trying to get my kid educated, not buy a handgun. Sheesh.

And to add insult to stupidity, you cannot arrange for your child to ride the bus at the school. You must call an entirely separate entity, the Transportation Department, and deal with a slightly snotty lady who promises to call you back, doesn't make said call, then gets snippy when you call her back to ask if she has the bus number and pickup times yet. "I have four pages of children I need to look up, and we are taking them as they come!" Well, sister, I have a boy here who is now down one more day of school because of your goofy district and it's rules and it's employees that don't call people back or give them the correct information when they do, so don't mess with me.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Here are pictures.

Boy dressed up for first band concert. He's also available to do your taxes for a small fee.

The curly girl.

As Seen On TV

2008-01-03T08:32:00.000-07:00

Last night as my family and I were trying to find something worth watching on our seventy-odd channels of cable, we came across this description of a movie on the TVGuide Channel:

"Hitcher 2--A cop once again picks up a psychotic hitchhiker"

Because the first time certainly wouldn't have taught you a lesson...

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

2007-12-24T17:46:00.000-07:00

...and that about sums it up.

I wish you all joy, and peace, and a holiday surrounded by those you love. Or at least can tolerate fairly well for one day a year.

And as Donkey from "Shrek the Halls" Christmas special so succinctly put it, "Christmas ain't Christmas til somebody cries!"

Merry Christmas, my dear friends.

In Case You Were Wondering....

2007-12-16T10:49:00.000-07:00

Moving stinks.

Packing stinks worse.

Discovering items you thought you couldn't live without and have kept for years only to realize you have not thought about them, looked for them, or needed them in the same number of years stinks worser.

Having a husband who is a packing pro smells nice. The packing pro part, not the actual husband. Well, sometimes he does too. Wait, that sounded wrong. Never mind.

No Title

2007-12-10T14:30:00.000-07:00

Very original, isn't it? I just couldn't think of what I wanted to call this post, so after about three valuable minutes spent staring at the screen, I thought, "Forget it! I never stick to my topic anyway!" That is some very fine journalism going on over here at moreofawoman. All for you, baby, all for you.

My trip to California went very well. I worked in our main office (I am considered an independent contractor and work at home, but basically am still an employee--I reside in the netherworld between the two) and exhibited at a conference on health care fraud. Well, I didn't personally exhibit anything, my company did. (because I am just not that kind of girl). Anyway...this conference was very interesting in that I got to meet and spend time talking to alot of real, live FBI agents. Can I just tell you that out of the hundreds of agents that I saw, not any of them look like the heroes or heroines you see in the movies or read about in novels? None of the men, with the exception of about three or four, were drop dead gorgeous, with chiseled features and rock hard abs and eyes that bore holes through you. Nor were the women willowy visions of loveliness who looked as at home on a catwalk as they did on the firing range. And know what? It made me feel good. FBI agents gain weight, age, and fall into frumpiness just like we normal folks do.

The agents I spoke with were very kind and respectful, and it made me happy to know that our nation is being protected by people like them. I spoke with a few female agents and asked them how they liked the Academy. One said that she loved all of it except for the running portion, because she hates to run. I agreed that running because you have to would seriously stink, and I would probably fail out of the Academy my first day there. She was so kind because she said, "If I can make it through the Academy, you totally could too." I realize she was probably lying, but that did make my day. So all of you better watch it around me, because I could maybe possibly kick your keister if I ever were to go back in time and enroll in the FBI Academy after I completed the college degree I never got. That's right. You better be scared.

I was gone from Monday morning before the chickens got up until Thursday night at midnight. Then on Friday, we had a sleepover party for my son's birthday. His actual bday is in January and will happen about three weeks after we move to a different state, so we decided to let him have a party early before we leave here. Picture this: four boys between 9-12, cake, soda, pizza, Nerf guns, and a toddler. Welcome to my weekend. The boys had a great time and were just too funny to watch. But it does make me glad that this birthday thing only comes once a year for each kid.

My kid is the one in bright blue. I call this portrait Goofballs On Parade.

Speaking of birthdays, mine was on Saturday. I am now officially 37 years old. (Pardon me while I weep uncontrollably for my lost youth. Okay, done now.) I am having a hard time believing that I truly am only three years away from forty. Forty is so old! Or at least I used to think it was. Now I am beginning to revise my opinion on that one...

My good friend CC took me out to a nice brunch at a little Victorian tea room, and it was marvelous. Such a nice time of laughing and eating and talking and eating and visiting and eating. My husband bought me some wonderful smelling perfume from Mary Kay called Bella Belara. Yummyful! Very very nice and fresh. My son picked out a smores snowman ornament for me, and my daughter helped my husband pick out a pink Mossy Oak tshirt from Cabela's. I believe Hub said her contribution was pointing and saying, "Mommy shote! Mommy shote!" translation meaning, "I really think Mom would look great in that shirt, Dad. Why don't you buy it?" All in all, I had a great day. Now if I only wouldn't have stepped on the scale that day, then I could be in perfect denial....

On the moving front, we are getting our trailer delivered this Friday. We will have all weekend to load it, and they will pick it back up on Monday the 17th. This means that for at least a week, we will only have what we can pack in the back of our pickup. Sleeping on the floor, using plastic dishes, cooking out of one pot...it will be like camping, only with no woods, wild animals or beauty of nature. Good times. Depending on when the movers can deliver our stuff, and when we can actually get to Missouri, then we will either get our stuff on Friday the 21st...or not until Wednesday the 26th. Which means we could end up having Christmas with no stuff--well, except for the plastic dishes and one pot. In addition to all that, there are severe storm and ice storm warnings for part of the area we will be driving through next week. Yay. And here I thought the only thing we'd have to deal with while driving fortyfrillion miles across the country was a grumpy toddler.

I like to move it, move it. I like to move it, move it. And to ride hoe-seee.

Remember the old saying, "That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger"? By the time we move into our new house, I am going to be freaking Xena the Warrior Princess, baby.

Pray, y'all. Pray hard.

Venus and Mars at Thanksgiving

2007-11-27T11:16:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like your life, if taped and aired on national television, would resemble a sit-com or a tragedy? This weekend, mine bore traits of both.

Wednesday afternoon, after the Zman got home from school, we left for the six and a half hour drive to my mom's house for Thanksgiving. I had packed, organized, and cleaned the night before so that all I had to do was put the food in the cooler and grab our kids and go. My husband had the great idea (and I am not being sarcastic) of listing our ATV on craigslist.com in my mom's town, since ATVs are big stuff in Central Oregon. He got a few calls on it, so we decided to tow it over there and hopefully sell the thing. The night before we left, we had this conversation:

R: Missie, where is the spare key to the ATV?

Me: Wha-? Honey, I have no idea. Where did you last have it?

R: I don't know where it is, that's why I am asking you.

Me: When did you last see it?

R: I remember seeing it in our old house.

Me: The one we sold in July?

R: Duh, what other old house did you think I meant?

Me: So you remember seeing it sometime before we moved in July. July...as in four months ago. As in you haven't seen it in four months. And you are asking me where it is?

R: Did you put it somewhere?

Me: Honey, think...I have been on the ATV like five times since we bought it. I have never been around the thing without you. I have never taken it hunting or camping or anything. Why would I even know we had a spare key?

R: Well, help me find it!!!

Get the picture? Yeah, the conversation was going nowhere. So I started looking around everywhere I could think of where a key might possibly be. And since it's shiny and silver, OH AND LITTLE! it should be no problem finding it. Everywhere I looked, my husband would come behind me and say, "I already looked there. It's not there. Look somewhere else!" After about the fifth time of hearing that, I finally said, "It has to be somewhere. You asked me to help you look. Leave me alone and let me look!"

After about an hour of searching, we couldn't still couldn't find it. We decided that we would just let the new owner know that we had a spare key, and as soon as it was located, we would drop it in the mail. My husband then got the title, the maintenance info, instruction book, etc all together and laid it on our barstool in preparation for our trip the next day. (remember that...on the barstool..)

While packing up the last minute items on Wednesday, I grabbed the stuff from the barstool and told my husband through the bathroom door, "honey, I got all the paperwork and stuff from the stool. I am taking it to the car, okay?" to which he replied "okay". He came out to the car a few minutes later and asked me, "Are you sure you got everything?" to which I replied, "Yes, honey, I got all the stuff from the stool."

(Now, why am I boring you with this little piece of nothing from my life? Besides it's my blog and I can? To further demonstrate how it is such a miracle that men and women have been managing to meet, fall in love, get married, and STAY TOGETHER FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS when incidents like this happen. Stay tuned...)

We arrived at my mom's on Wednesday night after fun filled trip with two children oh so happy to be in the car and our nerves frazzled. We had a nice restful night, and then were up early on Thursday morning to start preparations for dinner. I won't go into how I burned my forehead with cranberry sauce, or how I forgot my two favorite recipes at home and then couldn't find them online and had to wing it, or how my mom, who has about forty seven frillion jars of spices in her cabinet had NO POULTRY SEASONING, because all that's just not necessary.

My husband took the ATV down to the car wash to clean it all up before the guy came to look at it later in the morning. He was gone about ten minutes when I get this call...

R: Missie....where is the key to the ATV?

Me: (stirring sauce and burning my forehead) I have no idea.

R: Didn't you grab it yesterday?

Me: No, I did not. Where was it?

R: On the counter! With the title and stuff!

Me: No, the title was on the barstool.

R: You said you grabbed all the stuff!

Me: I did. From the barstool.

R: Why didn't you take the key?

Me: I didn't see the key. I didn't look for the key. I didn't think about the key. Why would I be looking for the key?

R: BECAUSE NOW WE DON'T HAVE THE KEY! WE TOWED THIS THING FOR ALMOST SEVEN HOURS AND WE DON'T HAVE THE KEY!

Me: Why didn't you have the key with the ATV since we spent all that time looking for the spare key last night?

R: Because I had the key on the counter so I wouldn't forget it! I was going to grab it when I got the other stuff, but you said you got the stuff and you picked up everything!

Me: I did grab everything. FROM. THE. BARSTOOL.

So, yeah, that made for some Turkey day stress right there. He was mad at me for forgetting to grab the key, and I was mad at him for being the goof who didn't put the key we did have with the ATV so we wouldn't forget it in the first place. After a $20 trip to a locksmith, R was able to turn on the ATV by flicking some dohickey with the engine dealie and could run it. Good times.

Anyway, we did end up having a nice time that day after tempers cooled and the comedy of errors was revealed. We decided that this whole marriage and procreation thing must have been a plan of God, because no way would men and women been able to successfully stay together without divine intervention. And no way would they then travel with their offspring during the holiday season without providential urging.

Nuff said for now. Will post in a few days about the rest of the trip. How was your Thanksgiving?

Someone save me from my parents.

Recipe Monday...because I said

2007-11-19T11:11:00.000-07:00

This week promises to be crazy with a capital "Where Is My Prozac?"

I like to simplify things as much as possible during the wild holiday season, and one of my favorite ways to do that is with this recipe. I was surfing through AllRecipes.com a few years back and wanted a simple, delicious stuffing. I like mine moist but not wet, and full of flavor in every bite. I came across this recipe and it intrigued me because other than the initial sauteeing of vegetables, the whole thing cooks in the crock pot! How great is that? It frees up your oven and your time. You can add or delete any ingredients you wish, which is another great thing about this recipe. I usually chop up all the veggies the night before to get that out of the way. Then if I have time, I may sautee them the night before also, then just refrigerate until the next morning, assemble the rest, and plop it into the ole crockpot. My family absolutely raves about this stuffing, so if they love it, that settles it in my book.

So as my gift to you, here is the link to my favorite stuffing recipe of all thyme! (get it? cuz we're talking about cooking? and thyme is an herb? and I am certainly the only person in the history of ever to come up with that play on words? why aren't you laughing?)

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Slow-Cooker-Stuffing/Detail.aspx

Anyhoo....Happy Turkey Day, ebberbuddy (Ali word) and remember to count your blessings. Speaking of counting, calories consumed during the preparation and clean up of the Thanksgiving meal only count as half. ;)

In honor of the national holiday, here is my domesticated Turkey showing off his wild turkey.

Cutie Pie Friday

2007-11-16T10:10:00.000-07:00

Just 'cause I wanted to share the adorableness with the world. No need to thank me.

Finally home...

2007-11-15T14:42:00.001-07:00

Hey, y'all!

We made it back from Missouri in one piece, refreshed by the time away from the kids, but exhausted by the schedule we kept while there. We missed the chirrens something fierce, but in no time, they had us wishing we were going away again. (just kidding!)

I could bore you with all the details of what happened during our trip, but I care for your mental health more than that. Suffice it to say that we are most probably moving our family halfway across the country in less than 6 weeks. We have put an offer in on a house -- one of the TWELVE we saw in one day -- and are waiting to hear if it gets accepted or not. A house with a red bathroom, y'all. Red. Not marroon, burgundy, or merlot. Red. As in Would Look At Home On The Walls Of A Brothel red. So yeah. Envy me.

Anyhoo, I will post more later, as soon as I know something more definite. About anything. But rest assured I have learned one very important lesson the last few days....

Country Gravy + Chicken Fried Steak + Mashed Potatoes + Peppermint Milkshake + Yeasty Rolls + Fast Food Burger and Tacos = Pants that don't fit.

Just another service I offer here at Moreofawoman...all for you.

Leavin' On a Jetplane...

2007-11-04T21:09:00.000-07:00

Hello, all. Sorry to the four of you who regularly check in here for the lack of posting, but things have been a little kah-rayzy around here.

I went to Chicago on Monday the 29th for a work related conference and returned on Thursday November 1st. Missed the family terribly but had a great time. I walked all over downtown, probably logging in about 3-4 miles during my trip. I shopped along Navy Pier and Michigan Avenue, ate at a Chicago establishment restaurant, sipped Starbucks while watching the masses hurry to their evening trains. I love Chicago, but would hate living there. I found out from a lady who lives downtown that I could pick up a one bedroom, one bath, 1600 sq foot condo for only $350-400,000. What a steal. I am writing my check as we speak.....

I flew back home on Thursday thinking that I had until Sunday before I had to leave for Anaheim for another conference. Guess what? Um, no. I had to leave on Saturday. Apparently I marked my calendar wrong all those months ago, and my trip was to begin on the third, not fourth of November. That sucked. I was home for less than 48 hours before getting back on another plane....bleh.

My flight from Boise to Salt Lake was to leave at 6:45am. So good girl that I was, I got up at 4:30am, got ready, and was at the airport by 6am. Because in Boise? You can allow 30 minutes to get your ticket, check your bag, and get through security. Even then, you'll have enough time to grab a coffee. Boise Airport, she is not too busy. Anyhoo, I get to the counter and am checking my bag when the attendant tells me, "Okay, your flight leaves at 9am from gate.." Now, I am pretty tired at this point, but was awake enough to do a "Huh, what? Nine?" She then explained that they cancelled the 6:45 flight and put me on the nine. When I asked why I wasn't notified, she said, "Sorry, you should have been, but really, it's your responsibility to double check your flights online the day before." And no, before you ask, I didn't jump over the desk and pummel her. I figured Homeland Security and the TSA wouldn't like me very much if I did. But she did manage to put me on an 8am flight instead, and on a connector to Orange County. I got here, only about an hour later than originally planned.

And lo, Missie was exhausted. Because could I sleep on the plane? Nerp. Did I have a very large man next to me on the very tiny plane? Yep.

But in case you were wondering about the safety of air travel, let me assure you. At O'Hare Airport TSA's checkpoint, they searched my bag very thoroughly. Which I didn't mind. I have nothing to hide. But apparently, I was a danger to all around me because of my lip gloss and my sample size Mary Kay handlotion. Because they weren't in a zip lock bag. I could have kept them if they were in a ziplock bag, but because they were instead in my SEE THROUGH MAKEUP BAG, I couldn't have them back. Now, these are the exact same items that I have carried in the exact same bag through Boise, Chicago, Las Vegas, Orange County, and JFK airports successfully without setting off any TSA alarms. I am all for carefully checking baggage. I am an experienced traveller. I know what I can carry onboard and what I can't. But apparently, there was some problem with my lipgloss and lotion being in my carryon without the protective benefit of the ziplock bag. Dang. I didn't realize ziplock made their bags so strong that it could actually affect the safety of an airplane. And here I was carrying those items around all willynilly on all those other flights, endangering myself and other passengers with my carelessness. I apologize to all those who may have been exposed to my items without the benefit of the plastic bags that are so necessary to our national security. The attendant was very helpful when she said, "Now I can ship these items home for you, but it will be about $19.00" Yeah, lady. I want to pay nineteen bucks to ship home my $6 lip gloss and my freebie lotion. Do people actually take them up on that?

So, I know, enough whine whine whine. I miss my family terribly and want to be in my own bed cuddling next to my husband. And good grief, it's not like I have been deployed to Iraq, so I just need to shut the heck up. But still....I miss my kidlets and my hub.

Alison has handled the separations remarkably well, which I don't know if I should be happy for or upset by. When she woke up yesterday, she looked for me. Roger said, "Mommy's at work," so the rest of the day, she would say, "Mommy wohke, Mommy wohke." Then when I spoke with her last night, she says, "Mommy home? Mommy home?" People...my heart broke. She has been very happy and good for my husband, but still. She needs me there. I should be there. I keep telling myself that I am not harming her or Zachary by being away for just a bit, and they won't grow up to knock over 7-11s, but sheesh. This is hard.

Then next Sunday, Roger and I leave for about four days. We are traveling to a city far far away to check it out and see if we are going to move our family there. My mom is coming to stay with the kids, so they will be fine. But again....not with me. The way these last three weeks have worked out really sucks. But it will be the first time since 1999 that Roger and I have been away from our kids for more than one night, in a separate town, alone...together....just us. What ever will we do with ourselves? ;)

Okay, enough rambling for now. I am just lonely and homesick and sitting here in the lobby of my hotel at their "business station" (ie, one small computer and toy printer behind a privacy screen) listening to piped in Yanni music and ready to pull my hair out.

Thank you, de Internets, for letting me whine and vent and have free therapy.

So how are you all doing on your weight removal? Anyone want to share? Anyone have any good travel stories? Anyone get away with contraband lipgloss on a plane and live to tell about it? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?

Thankful

2007-10-22T11:12:00.000-06:00

When my son was little, we invested in some Veggie Tale videos for him to watch. I loved that in addition to the cartoons being happy and clean, they also taught him Biblical ideals. If you've never seen a Veggie Tale video, you are really missing out. The stories and songs are very funny and sweet, and the tunes will get stuck in your head if you are not careful.

Alison now loves Veggie Tales as much as Zachary did. She is always running toward our video cabinet hollering, "BAH-LAH-LEDDY!" for Bob and Larry, the tomato and cucumber hosts of the shows. And when we bought her some Veggie Tale fruit snacks the other day at the store? You would have thought the child had went to sugar heaven. Now she runs to the pantry hollering, "Bah-Lah-Leddy Snack?!"

There is one particular video that has always been a favorite of mine, Madame Blueberry. It is the story of a very blue berry who is sad because her friends have much more stuff than she does. But lucky for her, a huge store opens not far from her house called Stuf-Mart. She goes on a wild spending spree there, but discovers that what she needed was not more stuff, but a happy heart. She passes a little girl sitting at a picnic table with her parents celebrating her birthday with only a piece of pie instead of a huge party. They do not have a huge tree house like Madame Blueberry, they only have a small home on the ground. Madame is surprised when she hears the little girl singing the following song:

I thank God for this day,

for the sun in the sky,

for my mom and my dad,

for my piece of apple pie,

for the love that He shares,

cause He listens to my prayers,

that's why I say thanks every day.

Because a thankful heart

is a happy heart.

I'm glad for what I have,

that's an easy place to start.

For our home on the ground,

for His Love that's all around,

that's why I say thanks every day,

that's why I say thanks every day!

Ali sings this song, or I should say tries to sing this song, and it is just adorable. I have been singing it with her to teach her the words a little better. And you know what? This song has really been speaking to my heart lately.

My attitude about certain things stinks. I should be happy for what I have. I AM happy for what I have. I have a wonderful boy, I have an adorable girl, I have fantastic friends, both here physically and on de Internets. I have a good job that lets me travel, I have a great family, I have a good home church. I have a God who loves me and takes care of me and keeps me from screwing up too badly. I have a roof over my head and food in my belly and clothes on my back. And when I crawl into my nice warm comfy bed at night, I am curling up next to my bestest friend and love of my life.

So the challenge for this week is to find stuff to be thankful for...and I bet none of us have to look too hard. Let's start noticing all the great and wonderful things that surround us that we are often too busy to recognize. Let's show our thankfulness to others and to God.

Then you too can be singing,

I thank God for this day, for the sun in the sky!

I thank God for all of you, and pray His best for your life. And if I could, I would send you all apple pie.

Why I say thanks every day...

Change the words, change the mind...

2007-10-17T14:25:00.001-06:00

This week's gem of wisdom comes from my friend, Lynn. (can I tell you about Lynn? She is so sweet, and pretty, and she EXERCISES. FREQUENTLY. Like daily, even. She runs...where there are hills. On purpose. Because she likes it. And does marathons. All while raising two kids and working from home and being a loving wife and a nice person.) Sidenote: The running thing is completely beyond me, because I will only run on purpose if there is some danger to myself or my family that would necessitate me moving that quickly.

At last Friday's Weight Watcher meeting, Lynn's leader said this:

STOP SAYING YOU ARE "LOSING" WEIGHT. LOSING MEANS SOMETHING THAT IS GONE THAT YOU WANT BACK. INSTEAD SAY YOU ARE "REMOVING" WEIGHT.

Isn't that profound? I don't want to loooooooose weight, I want to remove it. As in having it gone forever. Never to return. Never to find me again. Never to have to re-lose or "re-remove" the same pounds!

So this week, your challenge is to change the way you talk about this here weight-removal journey. Just see if it doesn't put you in a better frame of mind.

REMOVE yourself from the kitchen! REMOVE the trigger foods from the pantry! REMOVE the unwanted pounds from your life!

Then, re-move yourself on over to my house and help with all this laundry. The end.

Sad News...

2007-10-15T19:59:00.000-06:00

My friend Becki over at CookingWithWhine is going through one of the hardest times in her life right now.

She lost her dad.

Becki, we are praying for you and your family. May the good memories of your loving father sustain you through the dark times ahead.

As a gal who recently lost her dad in August, I understand some of what she is feeling now. My dad's 70th birthday would have been tomorrow. I am feeling rather...well, I don't know how to describe what I am feeling. My poor mom doesn't know what to do, should she mark it somehow or just act like it's another day without the love of her life?

When it comes to the death of a loved one, there are no right answers across the board.

Head on over to Becki's blog and leave her a nice message, will ya? It helps to know that people you don't even know are thinking about and praying for you.

And Becki? If you want to talk or vent or just..whatever, let me know.

Didya Miss Me?

2007-10-12T09:36:00.000-06:00

I know, I know! I have already been nagged by Robyn about not posting for awhile and making those of you waiting with baited breath for my next piece of insightful wisdom pass out from lack of oxygen. But never fear, I am back. (I can hear the applause from all one of you.)

A few things happening in my life right now, in no particular order of importance, but just so you know are:

Waiting for husband to get back from deer hunting and hoping he bagged a big one.

Dealing with The Toddler and The TANTRUMS and The Potty Training...and feeling woefully inadequate.

Regaining approximately five, FIVE I TELL YOU, of the pounds I have recently lost due to traveling for business, family visits, and just plain not paying attention.

Trying to figure out how in the world to lose this five and another five before the rest of my business trips this fall which include...

(and this totally deserves it's own bullet point because...doggone!) Chicago for four days at end of October.....coming back home for three days, then going to Anaheim for four days.....home for eight days, then going to Missouri for a personal trip for four days.....home for about a week before traveling to Oregon for Thanksgiving with family....then home for three days before traveling back to Anaheim for another conference for three days....home for one whole day before my 37th birthday.

Trying to figure out if my husband and I should move our kids halfway across the country for an educational opportunity which could either be the greatest thing to hit our family ever...or give us the hugest most biggest unbelievably largest financial hit ever. But as long as there's no pressure, we should be fine.

Um, when am I supposed to sleep or exercise for the next three months?

Remember when I promised you guys that I would put recipes on this site? And then remember how I haven't done it yet? And remember how you guys thought I would? Wasn't that funny? Good times. No, seriously, today marks the inaugural post of RECIPE FRIDAY, and I have included some very good ones for you. (Now, keep in mind that RECIPE FRIDAY will not be every Friday, just whatever Friday I actually have a recipe worth sharing and the time in which to post it. And it may not even be on Fridays, because if I actually have a recipe AND the time at the same time? Then I am going to post it no matter what day, because...well, please refer to the bullet points above. Disclaimer Done.)

The first recipe is from a friend of mine that I have had forever, Kay. An interesting note about Kay, besides the fact that stuff happens to her that I have never heard of happening to another human being ever, and that she used to teach 4-H, so you know her recipes are good, is that she never calls me Missie. From just about the day we met, she has always called me Tilda. It started with her calling me Missie Matilda, then morphed to Matilda, then just Tilda. In fact, whenever she refers to me in a conversation with someone else who might know me, she has to stop and say, "Oh, I mean Missie." She is an absolute hoot and just a fun fun gal to work with and have for a friend.

This meatloaf is so good and easy to fix, that it should be a crime. This works great with any ground meat you have on hand. I have made it with combos of hamburger, ground turkey, ground elk, ground deer, Italian sausage, whatever you have on hand will taste great. And if you only have 1lb of meat, adjust your recipe accordingly.

Kay's Meatloaf

1 lb each hamburger and ground turkey

1 egg

1/2 cup ketchup

1/4 cup barbeque sauce

1 cup onion, chopped

1 cup oatmeal

Salt, pepper, and garlic salt to taste

Mix all ingredients in a large bowl. Add more oatmeal if it's too sticky. Form into a large loaf shape in 13x9 pan. Cover with foil and bake for one hour at 350 degrees. Remove cover, spread a little bbq sauce on top, and bake for about 5 more minutes. Let stand for 5-10 min before serving.

**you can also add chopped garlic for a little extra flavor. A little cheddar cheese on top would be delicious, too. The leftovers, if you have any, are great for lunch the next day.

This next recipe comes from my new friend, Geanne from New York. We met on a Weight Watchers chat room site and instantly hit it off. We started emailing each other pretty frequently, and the phone calls came soon after. She is just hilarious and I love love love her accent! Her husband was worried that she became such fast friends with some person she met online and said something like, "How do you know she's not a stalker and will show up at our door and kill you or kidnap our kids?" And yes, he is in law enforcement. When she told me that, I just laughed my head off, because seriously? I do not have the energy to regularly post on my blog, much less become a cross-country stalker. As far as her kids go, while they are incredibly adorable, um...no thank you. I have two of my own that I would sometimes like to foist off on other people. I do not want to be adding any more to the tribe.

Anyway, this chicken recipe is so good that my husband has actually asked me to make it again. If any of you knew me well, you would know what a big deal that is. Because chicken? And me? Not such a good combo. I can take a perfectly good chicken and do things to it that make it dang near inedible. It's a talent...try not to be jealous. It strikes fear into the heart of my guys when they ask what's for dinner and I reply with "Chicken." I asked Geanne, who is part Italian and therefore should know how to cook well, if she had any good chicken recipes that wouldn't add 47 lbs to my rear after eating and be completely dork-proof, and she sent me this. I consulted with my friend Becki over at Cooking With Whine (see the linky over there on the right? Go check her out for she is hilarious. I want her to move by me and be one of my new best friends) who gave me some great ideas for add-ins to the filling. Make this for company and I guarantee they will think you were slaving in the kitchen all day. And then they will buy you better presents for your birthday. Moreofawoman--world peace and presents through chicken. Catchy, no?

GEANNE'S CHICKEN PARMESAN BUNDLES

1 pkg cream cheese, softened

1 pkg frozen chopped spinach (10oz) thawed, drained

1 1/4 cups mozzarella cheese, divided

6 tablespoons parmesan cheese, divided

2 cloves minced garlic, or more if desired

1 tsp salt, and pepper to taste

1 tsp Italian seasoning

6 boneless skinless chicken breasts, pounded out to 1/4 inch thickness

1 egg

10 Ritz crackers, crushed (about 1/2 cup)

1 1/2 cups spaghetti sauce, heated

Spaghetti noodles

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Mix cream cheese, spinach, 1 cup mozzarella cheese, 3 tbsp of parmesan cheese, garlic, salt, pepper, and Italian seasoning until well blended. Salt and pepper the chicken breasts, then spread the filling over chicken breasts. Starting at one of the short ends of the chicken breast, roll up chicken tightly. Secure with toothpicks or kitchen string, if desired. Set aside.

Beat egg in shallow bowl or pie plate. Mix remaining 3 tbs parmesan cheese and the cracker crumbs in separate pie plate. Dip chicken bundles in egg, then roll in crumb mixture. Place seam-side down in a 13x9 baking dish sprayed with cooking spray.

Bake for 35 minutes or until chicken is cooked through. Remove and discard toothpicks, if using. Serve topped with spaghetti sauce and remaining 1/4 cup mozzarella cheese over noodles.

**Becki's Ideas for Additions were chopped sun-dried tomatoes. My friend Katie who is also a gourmet cook suggested artichoke hearts and feta cheese. I think she may have said pine nuts, too. Go ahead, get all crazy with it! Live large and in charge! Embrace the ingredients!

Moreofawoman--freedom through stuffed chicken breasts. Catchier?

This is some good stuff, people. Try it this weekend and let me know what you think.

Next week's recipe: Toddler In A Box

It's So Hard to Find Good Help These Days..

2007-10-01T14:22:00.000-06:00

Sorry for the long pause between this post and last, my friends. I could bore you to tears with all the events that conspired against me getting time to blog, such as my Projectile Vomiting Toddler, my Ever Increasing Workload, my Never Done Laundry Pile, blahbittyblahblahblah, but you know the song just as well as I do.

It's really not my fault, though. It's my maid's. See, she hasn't been coming around here much for about the last fifteen years, so I have been forced to do all the housecleaning myself. I think she spoke to my personal assistant, because I haven't heard from her in a long time either. More like never. So all those pesky little errands that I had previously delegated to her? Now guess who gets to do them. Then there's my chef, the one who shops for, puts away, and prepares the healthy nutritious food my family and I require. She hit the road sometime around 1992. I think she ran off with my personal trainer. That's the only thing that can explain these love handles of mine. If he were here, they wouldn't be. And don't even get me started on my masseuse. Ungrateful little twit. And after all I'd done for her! Like think about hiring her! She wanted paid and a set schedule? What's up with that?

So, folks, I am sorry but it really really really isn't my fault. If you find these guys, let them know I am seriously ticked...and they are all fired.

Are You Gonna Eat That?

2007-09-20T10:58:00.000-06:00

This week has been great...and not so much.

Great in that my mommy came over for a visit. We shopped til we dropped, we laughed, joked, had fun, played with the kids, and just all around had a great time.

Not so much in that we ate. And I mean ATE. If it wasn't nailed down or crawling away, I ate it this week. Think it wasn't so bad? Let me give you some examples: Fries, ice cream, cheeseburgers, breakfast burritos, soda, more fries, Orange Chicken and Rice from Panda Express, and still more fries. Oh, and part of a grilled cheese sandwich that my daughter wouldn't eat. Because I may have acted like a pig, but that sandwich could not be wasted! I am frugal! Where's my medal?

Anyhoo, how have you guys been? Doing well? Eating right? No? Well, join the club. But from this moment on, I am back on the wagon again. (that wagon must have great shocks for all the jumping on and off I am doing). I am going to go get a big ole glass of water with lemon and work on flushing all the preservatives and fats out of my system. I am going to get better sleep. I am going to exercise. I am going to be tired.

And also? I just found out I am going here, too:
www.loewshotels.com/en/Hotels/Lake-Las-Vegas-Resort/Overview.aspx

The good thing is I am sure there will be absolutely NO fattening food there to tempt me. None whatsoever.

Question: Have you ever eaten so much that you wondered where you managed to put it all and why you still didn't feel satisfied?

Friday Weigh In

2007-09-14T14:38:00.000-06:00

How'd everyone do this week? Meeting your goals? Drinking your water? Getting your exercise? Eating half of a large Chocolate Extreme Blizzard from Dairy Queen the night before you weigh in? Oh, wait. That was me. Never mind.

Any which way, today's numbers on the scale are 169.9, which is a 1.1 lb gain over last week. Well, wooo-hoooo for me. Of course I would gain following a week where I lost 4.2 lbs. What else would I do?

We interrupt this pity party to bring you more pictures of Missie's kids. And to shut her up.

New Poll, New Poll!

2007-09-12T15:16:00.000-06:00

Check out the soda pop poll over there on the right and 'fess up...How much of the stuff are ya drinkin'? Reaching for a soda when you know that it's water you need?

Yeah, me too. Guilty as charged.

I think of a tall icy glass of diet soda as a treat for being good all day. We can have it, but remember...everything in moderation.

Will have an actual post with words and thoughts and everything later in the week. Too much work to do now. Wah.

Will now go drink soda....

Mommy, should you really be bathing in that bubbly brown stuff?

Back in the Saddle Again

2007-09-10T08:53:00.000-06:00

Happy Monday, Everyone! Say Cheese!

One thing I have always enjoyed about being on Weight Watchers was the realistic approach to eating and losing weight. When I first started WW, I assumed that they would meet with me and teach me how to reach my perfect goal weight, which was 133 pounds. Why 133, you ask? That is what I weighed when I got married many moons ago. That is what I weighed in the pictures where I look so young and happy and skinny. That, I thought, is what I need to be in order to have a nice looking body again.

Imagine my surprise when I joined WW and they didn't even talk to me about where I wanted to be at the "end" of my journey. Instead, they taught me to focus on losing 10% of my body starting body weight. Since I started at 187.2, that meant I had to lose 18 lbs before the leaders would discuss a more long reaching goal with me. At first I was confused because, didn't they WANT or NEED to know where I expected to be? What's up with that?

I realized that there was a method to their madness. WW figures that if you can lose the first 10% of your body weight, whatever it happens to be, then you are more likely to continue on your program. It might be hard to tackle the 54.2 lbs I wanted to lose all in one chunk, but I could handle 18. After 14 months on the program, 9 of which I didn't stick to it very well and basically stalled my own weight loss, I finally made my first 10% on Friday. I am now 168.8. Yippee! WW gives you a cool keychain with a 10 on it as a reminder of what you have achieved. I worked hard for that keychain, people, and it is happy I am to have it.

Since joining WW, I have become way more realistic in my goals and my view about my body. I will probably never see 133 again in this lifetime. And you know what? That's okay with me. I could possibly reach 133 again if I did nothing but devote myself to diet and exercise and worked out with a personal trainer and hired a chef to cook special meals and forbade my husband from ever bringing pizza into the house and brought on a nanny to raise my children and a maid to clean my house. In that instance, I am sure I could reach 133. But you know what else? I am choosing to live my life, not live to reach an almost impossible goal.

WW says a healthy weight for my age and height is 144. So that's my new long-range goal. Eleven pounds more than what my "ideal" was ain't bad, considering my ideal was fifteen years and two kids ago. My new immediate goal is 160. That is eight pounds away. Well, eight and change. I can do that. I can totally do eight pounds. And after that? I will set a new short term goal and reach that. I am in this for the long haul. Once I lose this weight, I do not want to see it again...and have to re-lose it again.

So here's today's challenge for those of you on the road to a healthy weight. Find a short term goal for yourself. Something that is attainable, but you may have to work a little to get there. Something not so easy that the attaining of it doesn't hold much value. Write that goal down and post it in a place you are sure to see it every day. Repeat to yourself, "I can do this. I can lose **pounds by November **" or whatever your particular goal is.

Remember to be realistic. If you have fifty pounds to lose, you are probably not going to do it by Thanksgiving, barring one of your appendages getting cut off in a freak farming accident. Health professionals say that a healthy weight loss is 1-2 lbs per week. Get a calendar out and figure how much you can lose if you are to diet alone. Then figure if you worked out 3 times a week along with diet, how much could you lose. Then make a plan and stick to it. It does more for our psyche and self-esteem and our will power if we are able to keep the goals we set for ourselves. You will actually be better at this weight loss thing the longer you do it, and the more goals you reach.

Remember that I am pulling for you. You can do this. We can do this. We can have the healthy bodies that God intended for us before the devil invented chocolate chip cookie dough.

Go forth and make a plan! Set a goal! Drink your water! And come do my laundry while you're at it!

If you feel comfortable doing so, tell me what your weight loss goals are. How can I help you? What kind of things would you like to see up on this site? Do you need the accountability of someone semi-nagging you to get you going? Because I totally have a Masters' in Nagging. Just ask my husband and children.

If you act like you're sleeping, my mommy will leave you alone.

Finally

2007-09-06T06:40:00.000-06:00

Someone stepped on the scale this morning and found out that she has lost about 4 lbs this week.

Someone hasn't lost 4 lbs in a week since the summer of 2006.

Someone hasn't seen the second number on her scale be this low since approximately 2003.

Someone is crying right now.

Someone wonders why weight is so hard to get off but so doggone easy to put on.

Someone does not think this is fair.

Someone is very very happy this morning.

What's In a Name?

2007-09-05T10:09:00.001-06:00

Some of you may be wondering where I got the name for this here blog. The story is kind of funny and it goes something like this...

One day about a year or so ago, my husband and I were looking at our wedding pictures. In one of them, you see a fresh-faced young couple with huge grins on their faces, about ready to cut the cake. My mermaid-style wedding gown looked very flattering on my trim body, and my husband stood tall and debonair in his tux. Roger looked over at me and said, "What ever happened to those people?" I replied, "Honey, we ate those people." I then went on to laugh about how I was so much mooooooore of a woman now than I was when we wed, meaning the thirty five additional pounds I had packed on between kids and sedentary office jobs. We laughed a good bit about that and the conversation was soon forgotten.

Recently, as I looked back on that same picture, I discovered that I am more of a woman in many areas than I was back then. I would like to think that the greatest change in me hasn't been my weight gain, but my personality gain. My empathy gain. My understanding gain. My love gain. I rather hope that I am also less of a woman, less self-centered, less impatient, less judgmental. I am more in mass, but less in self-consciousness. I am more in size, but less in unforgiveness. I am less of the servant of God than I want to be, but hopefully more like Him as time goes on.

That's what I am striving for, people. To be less and more at the same time. How about for today, we examine ourselves. Are we less in areas that are important, but more in areas that are temporal and don't really mean much? How about for today, just for today, we all try to be a little more understanding, and a little less hurried? A little more giving, and a little less taking. Let's move a little more, and talk a little less. Let's be a little more kind to those in our family, and a little less accomodating to those that we don't have eternal connections with.

Go forth today and be less...and more.

You're Here! You're Really Here!

2007-09-04T09:27:00.000-06:00

Hello? Is this thing on? Testing, one, two, three.... You can hear me? Okay, good! If everyone would just please grab your coffee or tea and find a seat, we can get started. What? What's that? The brownies are gone? I am so sorry. I was really nervous about our meeting today, so I ate one or two. Or seven. Or fourteen. Really, I am quite sorry. I promise to make more for next time. Now, please scoot over towards the middle of the rows so there will be plenty of seating for everyone. Great! Are we all comfy? Ready to go? Good!

First off, let me welcome all of you to my new blog, More of a Woman. This will be my own personal blog that will deal with life, marriage, mommyhood, and weight loss, not necessarily in that order.

Let me give you a little background...I have been married for fifteen years to my college sweetheart, Roger. We have two rugrats: Zachary, age 11, and Alison, age 2 (and boy, is she TWO! But that's fodder for other posts.) I work from home in the healthcare field. I do bookkeeping, marketing, and case review for a medical review company located in a different state. I get to travel for conferences and training several times a year, which I greatly enjoy. I am soon to be 37 (ouch. That was soooo hard to type!).

And for as long as I can remember, I have struggled with my weight. I am genetically predispositioned to have a weight problem. Women in my family? We are a rotund bunch for the most part. I have never been one of those naturally skinny women who can eat whatever and never manage to gain an ounce. (My sister in law is like that. She is also tall, beautiful, and just about the sweetest person I know. So yeah. I can't even hate her. How is that fair? ) I can walk by a bakery window and be up a pound the next day.

I began Weight Watchers in July 2006. So far on WW, I have lost about 14 lbs. Well, actually more like 18 lbs, but I am at a plateau where I keep gaining and losing the same five pounds since December 2006.

So, where am I going with all this and why do you need to know? A big focus of this blog is going to be health and weight loss. Now, I am sure after reading this for a week or two, you will see that in no way is this actually a HEALTH or WEIGHT LOSS blog as you would normally picture it. I am not a doctor, but I do play one on the Internets. I would like for this to be a place where we can all feel comfortable in our own skin, while we are trying to make that skin surround less mass. I want to focus on getting healthy, not just getting skinny. I know some very fit-looking people who are very unhealthy, and some very overweight people who are actually healthy. It is about more than the numbers on the scale.

If I can ever figure out how, I will have a place for recipes and weight loss tips and lots of other good stuff. If I can't, then those things will just be included in my postings.

And for those of you who came over from SC, you would not know this is my blog if it weren't for the pictures of my kids. I told my husband that one thing we manage to do really well is produce cute chirrens, and far be it from me to withhold said cuteness from the world. So you will get lots of that too.

I will try to post at least 3-4 times a week, but again, that is subject to work and life and other things I can't control.

Thanks for coming by and I hope you will become a regular. And speaking of regular....Today's health tip is DRINK YOUR WATER. Did you know that in one university study, one glasssof water shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of dieters? Lack of water is a large contributor to daytime fatigue. Most of the time when we think we are hungry, we are actually dehydrated. The next time you are in the kitchen between meals looking for something to satisfy you, try a big glass of water first. If you are still hungry five minutes later, then get something to eat. A friend of mine who began her own weight loss consulting business told me this several years ago and I have never forgotten it: "Water is the winning ticket in the weight loss lottery." You will never lose all the weight you want without drinking water. It's just a simple fact.

So instead of fighting water, let's embrace it! Toss a couple slices of lemon and orange into your water, add a dash of Splenda, and bang! You have a citrus-y drink that you didn't have to pay $1.99 for. If water isn't your thing, try upping your intake of herbal tea. Now I love a good soda just as much as the next gal, but this week, let's all try to limit our intake of soda to just one glass or can a day. Can we do that? Just that small step will get us one step closer to our goals.

Have a great day, everyone!