Venus and Mars at Thanksgiving

Do you ever feel like your life, if taped and aired on national television, would resemble a sit-com or a tragedy? This weekend, mine bore traits of both.

Wednesday afternoon, after the Zman got home from school, we left for the six and a half hour drive to my mom's house for Thanksgiving. I had packed, organized, and cleaned the night before so that all I had to do was put the food in the cooler and grab our kids and go. My husband had the great idea (and I am not being sarcastic) of listing our ATV on craigslist.com in my mom's town, since ATVs are big stuff in Central Oregon. He got a few calls on it, so we decided to tow it over there and hopefully sell the thing. The night before we left, we had this conversation:

R: Missie, where is the spare key to the ATV?

Me: Wha-? Honey, I have no idea. Where did you last have it?

R: I don't know where it is, that's why I am asking you.

Me: When did you last see it?

R: I remember seeing it in our old house.

Me: The one we sold in July?

R: Duh, what other old house did you think I meant?

Me: So you remember seeing it sometime before we moved in July. July...as in four months ago. As in you haven't seen it in four months. And you are asking me where it is?

R: Did you put it somewhere?

Me: Honey, think...I have been on the ATV like five times since we bought it. I have never been around the thing without you. I have never taken it hunting or camping or anything. Why would I even know we had a spare key?

R: Well, help me find it!!!

Get the picture? Yeah, the conversation was going nowhere. So I started looking around everywhere I could think of where a key might possibly be. And since it's shiny and silver, OH AND LITTLE! it should be no problem finding it. Everywhere I looked, my husband would come behind me and say, "I already looked there. It's not there. Look somewhere else!" After about the fifth time of hearing that, I finally said, "It has to be somewhere. You asked me to help you look. Leave me alone and let me look!"

After about an hour of searching, we couldn't still couldn't find it. We decided that we would just let the new owner know that we had a spare key, and as soon as it was located, we would drop it in the mail. My husband then got the title, the maintenance info, instruction book, etc all together and laid it on our barstool in preparation for our trip the next day. (remember that...on the barstool..)

While packing up the last minute items on Wednesday, I grabbed the stuff from the barstool and told my husband through the bathroom door, "honey, I got all the paperwork and stuff from the stool. I am taking it to the car, okay?" to which he replied "okay". He came out to the car a few minutes later and asked me, "Are you sure you got everything?" to which I replied, "Yes, honey, I got all the stuff from the stool."

(Now, why am I boring you with this little piece of nothing from my life? Besides it's my blog and I can? To further demonstrate how it is such a miracle that men and women have been managing to meet, fall in love, get married, and STAY TOGETHER FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS when incidents like this happen. Stay tuned...)

We arrived at my mom's on Wednesday night after fun filled trip with two children oh so happy to be in the car and our nerves frazzled. We had a nice restful night, and then were up early on Thursday morning to start preparations for dinner. I won't go into how I burned my forehead with cranberry sauce, or how I forgot my two favorite recipes at home and then couldn't find them online and had to wing it, or how my mom, who has about forty seven frillion jars of spices in her cabinet had NO POULTRY SEASONING, because all that's just not necessary.

My husband took the ATV down to the car wash to clean it all up before the guy came to look at it later in the morning. He was gone about ten minutes when I get this call...

R: Missie....where is the key to the ATV?

Me: (stirring sauce and burning my forehead) I have no idea.

R: Didn't you grab it yesterday?

Me: No, I did not. Where was it?

R: On the counter! With the title and stuff!

Me: No, the title was on the barstool.

R: You said you grabbed all the stuff!

Me: I did. From the barstool.

R: Why didn't you take the key?

Me: I didn't see the key. I didn't look for the key. I didn't think about the key. Why would I be looking for the key?

R: BECAUSE NOW WE DON'T HAVE THE KEY! WE TOWED THIS THING FOR ALMOST SEVEN HOURS AND WE DON'T HAVE THE KEY!

Me: Why didn't you have the key with the ATV since we spent all that time looking for the spare key last night?

R: Because I had the key on the counter so I wouldn't forget it! I was going to grab it when I got the other stuff, but you said you got the stuff and you picked up everything!

Me: I did grab everything. FROM. THE. BARSTOOL.

So, yeah, that made for some Turkey day stress right there. He was mad at me for forgetting to grab the key, and I was mad at him for being the goof who didn't put the key we did have with the ATV so we wouldn't forget it in the first place. After a $20 trip to a locksmith, R was able to turn on the ATV by flicking some dohickey with the engine dealie and could run it. Good times.

Anyway, we did end up having a nice time that day after tempers cooled and the comedy of errors was revealed. We decided that this whole marriage and procreation thing must have been a plan of God, because no way would men and women been able to successfully stay together without divine intervention. And no way would they then travel with their offspring during the holiday season without providential urging.

Nuff said for now. Will post in a few days about the rest of the trip. How was your Thanksgiving?

Someone save me from my parents.

Recipe Monday...because I said

This week promises to be crazy with a capital "Where Is My Prozac?"

I like to simplify things as much as possible during the wild holiday season, and one of my favorite ways to do that is with this recipe. I was surfing through AllRecipes.com a few years back and wanted a simple, delicious stuffing. I like mine moist but not wet, and full of flavor in every bite. I came across this recipe and it intrigued me because other than the initial sauteeing of vegetables, the whole thing cooks in the crock pot! How great is that? It frees up your oven and your time. You can add or delete any ingredients you wish, which is another great thing about this recipe. I usually chop up all the veggies the night before to get that out of the way. Then if I have time, I may sautee them the night before also, then just refrigerate until the next morning, assemble the rest, and plop it into the ole crockpot. My family absolutely raves about this stuffing, so if they love it, that settles it in my book.

So as my gift to you, here is the link to my favorite stuffing recipe of all thyme! (get it? cuz we're talking about cooking? and thyme is an herb? and I am certainly the only person in the history of ever to come up with that play on words? why aren't you laughing?)

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Slow-Cooker-Stuffing/Detail.aspx

Anyhoo....Happy Turkey Day, ebberbuddy (Ali word) and remember to count your blessings. Speaking of counting, calories consumed during the preparation and clean up of the Thanksgiving meal only count as half. ;)

In honor of the national holiday, here is my domesticated Turkey showing off his wild turkey.

Cutie Pie Friday

Just 'cause I wanted to share the adorableness with the world. No need to thank me.

Finally home...

Hey, y'all!

We made it back from Missouri in one piece, refreshed by the time away from the kids, but exhausted by the schedule we kept while there. We missed the chirrens something fierce, but in no time, they had us wishing we were going away again. (just kidding!)

I could bore you with all the details of what happened during our trip, but I care for your mental health more than that. Suffice it to say that we are most probably moving our family halfway across the country in less than 6 weeks. We have put an offer in on a house -- one of the TWELVE we saw in one day -- and are waiting to hear if it gets accepted or not. A house with a red bathroom, y'all. Red. Not marroon, burgundy, or merlot. Red. As in Would Look At Home On The Walls Of A Brothel red. So yeah. Envy me.

Anyhoo, I will post more later, as soon as I know something more definite. About anything. But rest assured I have learned one very important lesson the last few days....

Country Gravy + Chicken Fried Steak + Mashed Potatoes + Peppermint Milkshake + Yeasty Rolls + Fast Food Burger and Tacos = Pants that don't fit.

Just another service I offer here at Moreofawoman...all for you.

Leavin' On a Jetplane...

Hello, all. Sorry to the four of you who regularly check in here for the lack of posting, but things have been a little kah-rayzy around here.

I went to Chicago on Monday the 29th for a work related conference and returned on Thursday November 1st. Missed the family terribly but had a great time. I walked all over downtown, probably logging in about 3-4 miles during my trip. I shopped along Navy Pier and Michigan Avenue, ate at a Chicago establishment restaurant, sipped Starbucks while watching the masses hurry to their evening trains. I love Chicago, but would hate living there. I found out from a lady who lives downtown that I could pick up a one bedroom, one bath, 1600 sq foot condo for only $350-400,000. What a steal. I am writing my check as we speak.....

I flew back home on Thursday thinking that I had until Sunday before I had to leave for Anaheim for another conference. Guess what? Um, no. I had to leave on Saturday. Apparently I marked my calendar wrong all those months ago, and my trip was to begin on the third, not fourth of November. That sucked. I was home for less than 48 hours before getting back on another plane....bleh.

My flight from Boise to Salt Lake was to leave at 6:45am. So good girl that I was, I got up at 4:30am, got ready, and was at the airport by 6am. Because in Boise? You can allow 30 minutes to get your ticket, check your bag, and get through security. Even then, you'll have enough time to grab a coffee. Boise Airport, she is not too busy. Anyhoo, I get to the counter and am checking my bag when the attendant tells me, "Okay, your flight leaves at 9am from gate.." Now, I am pretty tired at this point, but was awake enough to do a "Huh, what? Nine?" She then explained that they cancelled the 6:45 flight and put me on the nine. When I asked why I wasn't notified, she said, "Sorry, you should have been, but really, it's your responsibility to double check your flights online the day before." And no, before you ask, I didn't jump over the desk and pummel her. I figured Homeland Security and the TSA wouldn't like me very much if I did. But she did manage to put me on an 8am flight instead, and on a connector to Orange County. I got here, only about an hour later than originally planned.

And lo, Missie was exhausted. Because could I sleep on the plane? Nerp. Did I have a very large man next to me on the very tiny plane? Yep.

But in case you were wondering about the safety of air travel, let me assure you. At O'Hare Airport TSA's checkpoint, they searched my bag very thoroughly. Which I didn't mind. I have nothing to hide. But apparently, I was a danger to all around me because of my lip gloss and my sample size Mary Kay handlotion. Because they weren't in a zip lock bag. I could have kept them if they were in a ziplock bag, but because they were instead in my SEE THROUGH MAKEUP BAG, I couldn't have them back. Now, these are the exact same items that I have carried in the exact same bag through Boise, Chicago, Las Vegas, Orange County, and JFK airports successfully without setting off any TSA alarms. I am all for carefully checking baggage. I am an experienced traveller. I know what I can carry onboard and what I can't. But apparently, there was some problem with my lipgloss and lotion being in my carryon without the protective benefit of the ziplock bag. Dang. I didn't realize ziplock made their bags so strong that it could actually affect the safety of an airplane. And here I was carrying those items around all willynilly on all those other flights, endangering myself and other passengers with my carelessness. I apologize to all those who may have been exposed to my items without the benefit of the plastic bags that are so necessary to our national security. The attendant was very helpful when she said, "Now I can ship these items home for you, but it will be about $19.00" Yeah, lady. I want to pay nineteen bucks to ship home my $6 lip gloss and my freebie lotion. Do people actually take them up on that?

So, I know, enough whine whine whine. I miss my family terribly and want to be in my own bed cuddling next to my husband. And good grief, it's not like I have been deployed to Iraq, so I just need to shut the heck up. But still....I miss my kidlets and my hub.

Alison has handled the separations remarkably well, which I don't know if I should be happy for or upset by. When she woke up yesterday, she looked for me. Roger said, "Mommy's at work," so the rest of the day, she would say, "Mommy wohke, Mommy wohke." Then when I spoke with her last night, she says, "Mommy home? Mommy home?" People...my heart broke. She has been very happy and good for my husband, but still. She needs me there. I should be there. I keep telling myself that I am not harming her or Zachary by being away for just a bit, and they won't grow up to knock over 7-11s, but sheesh. This is hard.

Then next Sunday, Roger and I leave for about four days. We are traveling to a city far far away to check it out and see if we are going to move our family there. My mom is coming to stay with the kids, so they will be fine. But again....not with me. The way these last three weeks have worked out really sucks. But it will be the first time since 1999 that Roger and I have been away from our kids for more than one night, in a separate town, alone...together....just us. What ever will we do with ourselves? ;)

Okay, enough rambling for now. I am just lonely and homesick and sitting here in the lobby of my hotel at their "business station" (ie, one small computer and toy printer behind a privacy screen) listening to piped in Yanni music and ready to pull my hair out.

Thank you, de Internets, for letting me whine and vent and have free therapy.

So how are you all doing on your weight removal? Anyone want to share? Anyone have any good travel stories? Anyone get away with contraband lipgloss on a plane and live to tell about it? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?