If your laxative label reads "24% more medicine than before"...

You should totally believe it.

Weekend Update

I am down 1.6 lbs as of last Wednesday.

I ate a bunch of fudge this weekend.

The fudge wasn't even that good.

I took a long hard look at my stomach a few days ago.

My eyes are still blurry with tears.

I worked out twice in the last four days, then walked about two miles on Saturday, then took Sunday off.

My keister and thighs still hurt.

I bought a great shirt at Coldwater Creek this weekend for $20, only to bring it home and discover it is too big.

Yay on the too big.

I called the store to find out if they had a smaller one.

Um, no. Waaah.

I made a very simple recipe I saw Paula Deen demonstrate. Only four ingredients. Looked delicious.

In reality? Not so much. Waaah again.

Still need to finish painting the "What Happens in Vegas, Stays In Vegas" Red bathroom.

House still not organized to my liking.

Will have husband help color my hair tonight.

Pray, y'all.

The end.

Laugh With Me

Wanna hear something funny?

'mKay, so this woman goes into Weight Watchers, like 2 years ago almost. And she pays all this money and she loses weight, like say, oh 17 pounds or so. And then, she goes off of Weight Watchers and tries to do it herself, on her own, since she's so smart and she's lost all this weight already and she has the materials and she knows how to do this and why pay this huge company any more money?

And then the woman's father dies, she has to take multiple business trips, she moves across the country, then faces the holidays. The woman realizes that "hey, this whole doing it on my own thing is not working out so hot for me, so let's rejoin WW!" Then the woman goes to her first meeting yesterday and gets weighed in...only to discover she has regained twelve of the seventeen pounds she lost. TWELVE, people! Twelve!!!!!! That is one more than eleven, one less than thirteen.

Laugh with me, my friends, lest I cry by myself.

My Precioussssss

Oh, my darling, my dearest! I have waited so long to finally be with you. Here you are in my home at last where I can gaze upon your beauty at my leisure and bask in your warm glow. I promise to care for you and cherish you as a mother would for her child, because lo, you cost about as much. And now, I shall share pictures of you with my internets so that they too can be amazed by your gloriousness....

You came to me empty, but I filled you with treasures that have been hidden away under a bushel (okay, in a box) for many years...

Ignore the jealous whisperings of the Dyson, my dear! She realizes her days in the sun as my favorite possession are over...

Everything else looks like garbage waiting in the corner to be taken out compared to you, my pretty.

Edja-mah-cayshun

Some of you who know me in real life have probably picked up on one of my major character traits...I tend to be organized. Not anal-retentive, have a schedule for every day planned to the minute, any deviation in plan results in a breakdown organized, but just fairly organized. I tend to know what is going on, when this thing needs to happen, what I need to do to facilitate it, etc. I plan. I write stuff down. I love my calendar. Just saying.

So it would follow that since we are moving our children across the country, and one of them chilluns will need to transfer schools, that I would get on that before the move. In early December, I called the middle school that my son would be attending here. I explained to the nice receptionist who answered that I needed to enroll my son IN SIXTH GRADE and could I please speak to someone who could help me? She transferred me to the counselor and I left a message on her voice mail.

Fast forward to about 2.5 weeks later. I still hadn't gotten a call back from anyone at this middle school. The reason I had not noticed this sooner was because, hello, moving, packing, working, taking care of a toddler. I called again about December 18, so I could get the info I needed before everyone cleared out for the Christmas holidays. Again, no call back.

Now, if you ever want to make me angry at you? If you ever want me to track you down like a dirty dog and run you over with my big big truck? Then be in some sort of business or service organization and have your job be to HELP PEOPLE and have a stinking voice mail where people can LEAVE MESSAGES FOR A CALL BACK with a nice little recording telling me how my call is important to you....then never call me back. That is guaranteed to tick me off bigtime.

Anyway, someone finally called me back last Thursday. And informed me that my son would not be attending the middle school...he would be attending the INTERMEDIATE SCHOOL. Which in Missouri, is where fifth and sixth graders go. All this time, I have been calling the middle school, because stupid me has never heard of a goofy thing called an Intermediate School. And the receptionist at the middle school never told me any different. Ugh. So first big annoyance there.

But is that the end of your story, you ask? Why no, it's not. For lo, that would be too easy. I called the Intermediate school on Friday and spoke with a lady I shall call T. I verified with T what records I would need to bring with my child when I registered him, etc. She told me that they were open on Friday until 4pm, or I could just register him on Monday. We decided to wait until Monday since my husband had his orientation for seminary on Friday and would have barely gotten home in time for us to get our son out to the school to register him.

I load my son up in the car with all the accompanying records today for the 40 minute drive to the school. Gee, that seems like a long way for him to go to school, you say. And yes, I would agree. Except the school is actually only about 12 minutes away....if you know where you are going. Which thanks to Googlemaps and the Missouri Dept of Transportation, I did not. Suffice it to say that when a street has more than one name, let's say like Farm Road 666 and Doghouse Road, and one name is listed on Googlemaps but the other name is listed on the street sign, it makes for an interesting little drive.

We finally arrived at said Intermediate School and proceeded to get the Zman registered. I was getting ready to leave and asked the other receptionist, whom I shall call R, "Can he just pay for his lunch today in cash and I will send a check for a month's worth of lunches tomorrow?" She blinked owlishly at me and stated, "Oh, he can't stay today. We have a 24 hour rule that children cannot attend school the same day they are registered. We need time to get the books, desk, schedule, etc ready. He can come tomorrow."

What the ? Have you ever heard of such a stupid rule? And by the way, why didn't the first receptionist I spoke with on Friday, WHO HAPPENED TO BE SITTING RIGHT THERE TWO FEET FROM WHERE I WAS STANDING, tell me this? Why is it not listed anywhere on the school's website? I felt like an idiot, as did my poor boy who was sitting there with his backpack all loaded up and raring to go to class. I have never in my life been to or heard of an elementary or middle school that would not let a child attend until 24 hours after he was registered. It's not like they need to do a criminal background check--I am trying to get my kid educated, not buy a handgun. Sheesh.

And to add insult to stupidity, you cannot arrange for your child to ride the bus at the school. You must call an entirely separate entity, the Transportation Department, and deal with a slightly snotty lady who promises to call you back, doesn't make said call, then gets snippy when you call her back to ask if she has the bus number and pickup times yet. "I have four pages of children I need to look up, and we are taking them as they come!" Well, sister, I have a boy here who is now down one more day of school because of your goofy district and it's rules and it's employees that don't call people back or give them the correct information when they do, so don't mess with me.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Here are pictures.

Boy dressed up for first band concert. He's also available to do your taxes for a small fee.

The curly girl.

As Seen On TV

Last night as my family and I were trying to find something worth watching on our seventy-odd channels of cable, we came across this description of a movie on the TVGuide Channel:

"Hitcher 2--A cop once again picks up a psychotic hitchhiker"

Because the first time certainly wouldn't have taught you a lesson...