Monday, February 18, 2008

Real Life Conversations

Setting: Living room, night, watching tv with Son, see commercial for eHarmony.

Son: Mom, if they have eHarmony, do they have eDivorces, too?

Me: Why did you think of that?

Son: (stands up in front of the television) Hi, I'm Dr. Clark Warren Neal, founder of eDivorces. Remember when you signed up to that online dating service and thought you'd find the love of your life? Remember how it was great for a few months and then you got married? Remember how he wasn't as great as you thought and actually he's really a meanie? Sign up now for eDivorces dot com to get rid of a person you never should have married anyway because you didn't know him well enough. (Son then begins dancing around the room in parody of the happy couples singing, "I'm divorced now! I'm done with you!")

Me: Out of the mouths of babes.

Setting: Husband, Girl Child, and Me in the car, driving home from eating Indian food, passing by a church with a billboard that reads...

Me: "Make Jesus your valentine"?

Hub: Wow. Boy. Not good.

Me: What's next, "Make Jesus your Easter Bunny"?

Hub: Or what about "Make Jesus your Jack-o-lantern"?

Me: "Make Jesus Your Veteran"? You know, this would not work with every holiday.

Hub: "Make Jesus Your President"?

Me: "Make Jesus Your Santa"?

(After laughter dies down...)

Hub: We're not that funny really.

Me: No. No we are not.

Setting: My sister in law's kitchen, whole family assembled, mother in law and I are discussing our trip to New Orleans in 2005.

Me: I think we flew on Delta.

MomInLaw: No, we flew on that other one.

Me: American?

MIL: No, we flew on Bob.

Me: Bob? There is no airline called Bob.

MIL: Well, it was something like Bob.

Me: Do you mean TED? Like in United's regional line?

MIL: Yeah, maybe it was TED.

Setting: Our apartment in California, circa 2001. My parents are down for Christmas and my dad wants to see a certain Navy movie that just came out.

My Mom: Do you think Roger would want to go to the movie with Dad?

Me: I'm not sure. What movie is it?

MM: Some movie about some war.

Me: Oookay...That's a little vague. Who's in it?

MM: Robert de Niro and that other guy.

Me: That narrows it down. Does the other guy have a name?

MM: Oh, what is it?......I know! Scooby Dooba!

Me: Scooby Dooba? Who in the heck is Scooby Dooba?!

MM: He's that nice looking young black man who was in that one movie with Tom Something about sports.

Me: Do you mean Cuba Gooding Jr?

MM: (smiling) Yeah, that's him. I knew you knew who I was talking about.

I am soooo not related to any of these people...


Robyn said...

Z-man is a GENIUS. That kid needs to work for an ad agency and make piles of money to care for you in your old age.

Missie said...

That's the plan, sister. That's the plan.

Amber T. said...

I love the eDivorce thing...ha :p

Mama Drama Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Make Jesus your toothfairy.

Mama Drama Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Make Jesus your groundhog.

Mama Drama Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Someone stop me.

Robyn said...

Make Jesus your leprechaun.

Roger B said...

Make Jesus your turkey sounds sacreligious.

Robyn said...

Hee, Roger.

Make Jesus your firecracker sounds worse.

StarvingWriteNow said...


edivorce is great! And I like "Make Jesus your jack-o-lantern" too. LOL!

Stephanie said...

Okay - wait - I have one that will BLOW your socks off. Having some discussion with my mom about the upcoming elections, politics, something...

Mom: Well, he did a great job when seven eleven happened.

Me: SEVEN ELEVEN? Don't you mean 9/11?

Mom: Seven eleven, 9/11 - whatever.

Whatever - OMG - I love my mom but man, she is so BAD about things like that. Talk about living in your own little world.

Thanks for coming by the blog - here is your official encouragement from me - "Get off your butt and lose your weight. Start today - make the decision and just DO it." Okay - that's enough. Have a great day - your son should be writing commercials.